How Do You Let Go Of Guilt Having An Abortion?

Guilt always deserves some sort of emotional punishment. Usually self-inflicted.

Women are particularly good at guilt. Having an abortion goes against our biological need to procreate. One of our expected roles in life is to mother and nurture. So to have an abortion is counter to that role that society expects of us.

It doesn't matter that we chose to have an abortion because it was in our best interests because of our situation.

We feel we deserve to suffer because we lived and the baby did not.

But that's just a shallow look at guilt and suffering through abortion.

It's not the whole picture.

We can work on forgiveness, but often that's hard if one day we are telling ourselves we murdered another human and the next day we tell ourselves we forgive ourselves for the choice we made.

It only seems to affect us depending on our mood.

It doesn't get in deeper and last longer than a fleeting moment.

We need a different perspective for it to stick.

A spiritual perspective.

At a soul level we have lessons to learn in our lifetime. We have on some level chosen abortion as one of those lessons, and if we are suffering then most certainly it is an area we can grow and learn what those lessons are about.

It's lip service to just tell ourselves stuff at a head level, we need to reconnect with ourselves at a soul level and guilt is a sure fire way to stay disconnected and in pain.

Finding out for yourself what those lessons are is hugely comforting and reassuring. Knowing that your soul and the soul of your baby came together to make this agreement to do this dance called abortion.

It's not an angle that society embraces because the subject of abortion is still very controversial. Taking the soul approach in no way denies your experience, as if you took it lightly, but it explains how when healing abortion takes a spiritual approach the ability to move on and find acceptance is achieved a lot faster.

We look at the bigger picture not just that 5 minute procedure.

Obstacles to Emotional Healing After Abortion

For many women having had an abortion, however long ago it was, is something they felt they weren't able to share.

It's a secret sorrow.

There are many internal and external obstacles to working through this secret sorrow in order to move on and grieve it.

Internal obstacles

Often times an abortion is the hardest thing a woman has ever had to go through in her life. And because of that the feelings are sometimes too hard to bear. They become suppressed. But out of sight is not out of mind.

A woman may also tell herself that she wanted the abortion so there's no point crying over spilt milk. And because she made the decision, it was her choice, why cry over it.

Or she may decide that she can't move forward because she made the decision so she has to suffer. For how ever many years it takes. That she has no right to feel ok. But that can then become a way of life.

Denial can be a very strong factor for a lot of women. Staying in denial for years, not knowing that there is a process to go through in terms of healing the grief. But the feelings may be too hard to face in order to come out of denial.

Some women punish themselves somehow making up the other side of karma themselves, as if they need to be punished so if they do it themselves then perhaps "God" wont punish them in other ways.

External Obstacles

Grief shared makes it easier to bear. When other acknowledge our grief it validates our feelings, this is why we have funerals. We don't feel alone.

But most people think an abortion is a relief, not something to be grieved, and because it's a woman's choice then it's seen as an event that happened and it's over. End of story. Or if it's shared with family and friends who aren't anti-abortion, then they are told that it wasn't a baby, just cells, that they made the only choice they could make under the circumstances, all of which don't seem to even touch on the grief that's felt.

There is no social norm around abortion as there is around death. There are no special cards or flowers. There is no ceremony.

As a society we still can't decide if Abortion is murder or if it's just the extraction of a few cells.

But for women who have had an abortion it in no way give permission or lifts the lid to deal with the underlying grief.

Abortion: "Event" or "Non Event"?

There is no other topic that brings so much weight and even makes people uncomfortable as topic of abortion. No matter on what side of the issue you personally are, some one who promotes abortion or some one who opposes it fiercely, abortion in no way can be qualified as nonevent.

Cutting your finger while chopping greens as you cook can be qualified as a "nonevent". After your finger is healed, which if you are a healthy individual should not take more that just few days, you may find it even difficult to remember what finger was cut. Maybe just a scar may remind of the accident, and even then you may not be sure since you may have cut your fingers while chopping green countless times in the past. Most important, cutting your finger will rarely move you to become an advocate or an opponent of knife manufacturer.

It is never like that with abortion. Any one who had been affected by, or participated in abortion become deeply affected by the event. They either become advocates of abortion, opponents of it, or sometimes quiet sufferers, and the number of people that had not been affected is marginal.

One thing is particularly clear, no matter how you have been affected by abortion, its aftermath can last for years and it takes much courage if you choose the path of healing. This path will take you on an incredible journey of rediscovering God and his love for you all over again.

One of the most common feeling that women feel in the abortion aftermath is being along and abandoned. The truth is that you are not along, God is with you. There are also many man and women who have walked your path and are willing to share with you and be your companion on the path of healing.

Healing After an Abortion

After a person decides to have an abortion, their life is never the same. When someone realizes either two weeks or ten years later that they have taken a life, it can be emotionally devastating.

But if you gaze into the eyes of grace of the Lord Jesus Christ complete healing and forgiveness is available.

Healing after an abortion is necessary for both men and women. The consequences of an abortion can be huge in a person's life. But the consequences of the cross work of the Lord Jesus Christ are even more powerful for every person who chooses to call upon him for forgiveness and healing. He is faithful and just and will forgive any sin anyone asks him to forgive. And he also has the power to completely remove all guilt associated with that sin.

The consequences are real, and it's called post abortion syndrome and it can lead to severe depression, substance abuse/addiction, and even suicide.

First you must accept the full forgiveness of the Lord Jesus Christ and this can be challenging for some people. Don't think for one second that your mistakes and your sin is too big for the God of the entire universe, because they are not. Second, forgive yourself or it will prevent your healing. Then renounce any guilt you still have in the name of Jesus and tell it to go back to hell where it came from.

Don't forget to find a Christian friend who will not condemn you, but will listen to you in confidence to support you during this time. Secular counsel will help for some time, but only the Lord Jesus Christ can provide complete healing and freedom. That is why he came - to set the captives free. Jesus loves you with oceans and oceans of love, and his love is powerful enough to melt away anything you are going through if you call upon him.

The Best Thing That Helped Me Heal Emotional After Having An Abortion!

So you've had an abortion? Be it days ago, weeks ago, or years ago?

For countless women having an abortion they can move on with their lives, but chances are if you're reading this then you're not one of those women.

I'm not saying women who don't have any aftereffects are the lucky ones, but for women who have issues from an abortion, it's very well likely that at a soul level you have chosen an abortion as a way to learn your soul lessons.

Whoa!!!!!

That was a drop down to another level pretty fast.

If you had your way you would be over it, and not suffering the ongoing feelings of guilt, anxiety, depression, and countless other post traumatic ways in which the stress impacts itself.

So who cares if there are soul lessons when you just want to be over it and not feeling all the lingering feelings that keep hanging around?

You may have tried countless therapies to move on, or you might be too far gone to even feel them and are suffering depression.

It might be that you don't realise that it's the abortion you had that is the root of all these symptoms and maladies. Chances are if you're reading this you suspect it might be.

Healing at a soul level is a sure fire way to get to the bottom of the pain and begin to process and accept that you had an abortion and begin to make peace with it.

The one thing that helped me start the process and move on was to connect with the soul of my baby, I was able to do this myself via a meditation, and you can do this too.

This is not to drag up more pain, and this is not avoiding taking responsibility, but this is to take in the whole picture, not just the tip of the iceberg which are your presenting symptoms.

This is not a way to hang onto your baby but to begin to let go and help you move on.

Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion by Theresa Burke, Ph.D with David C. Reardon, Ph.D.

Grief after abortion is neither expected nor permitted in our society, so is the claim of Dr. Theresa Burke, founder of Rachel's Vineyard, a program designed for women suffering from post-abortion trauma to seek emotional and spiritual healing. One who chooses to argue against this point may have difficultly backing it up, considering how post-abortion trauma is rarely discussed in the media, much less in public. An episode of HBO's Sex and the City comes to mind, where one principal character encouraged another to abort an unplanned pregnancy. She cited how she had two of her own, waving off the memory as if recalling a trip to the dentist.

The real world is not always this accurate, and few support groups, if any, match the mission statement of Rachel's Vineyard. Abortion, as one faction would have people believe, is supposed to provide "relief, not grief," writes Burke, though this does mean a woman will not experience grief or loss following an abortion. The grief, despite the pro-choice movement's determination to soften the edges of the procedure, is real, and the pain of post-abortion women recorded by Dr. Burke in Forbidden Grief reflects but a fraction of the emotional trauma a woman can suffer, as if mourning the loss of a child brought to term.

Forbidden Grief is a compassionate book, a survey of why women choose to terminate pregnancies and why they do not feel better for having done so when they were led to believe otherwise. The book is not necessarily an argument against abortion, nor are Dr. Burke's subjects berated for having made the choice to abort. Dr. Burke's book serves to examine the various cause and effect processes involved in abortion, and to inform readers that emotional support can be had without bias.

There is Tina, so obsessed with pregnancy after her abortion that she tried to compensate for the loss by fashioning a towel under her dress to give the impression that she was expecting. Barbara, having undergone three abortions, purposely became obese to the point that she could no longer walk as a method of self-punishment. There are others, some who experienced abortions in the double digits, all of whom acted out their pain in different ways. Some baffled friends and relatives with their behavior, and others chose to withdraw from the world, but all shared a common thread aside from abortion: they came to Dr. Burke for help.

Dr. Burke writes that "healing can only happen when...one's story is revealed to others who do not seek to judge or condemn." Forbidden Grief is not a how-to healing manual for post-abortive women, but it is a valuable tool in helping everyone -- regardless of whether or not they have had an abortion -- understand that post-abortion trauma is real and as such should be treated as a legitimate problem. One would not tell an alcoholic or a compulsive gambler to just "get over it," people with these problems would be encourage to seek professional help. So, Dr. Burke reasons, should any woman or man affected adversely by abortion, and it is this reasoning and Dr. Burke's desire to make this type of trauma known that makes Forbidden Grief a welcome resource.

Desire for Children Replacement After Abortion and Possible After Effects

Number of women after having terminated pregnancy through abortion may become overwhelmed with guilt and may become pregnant again desiring to replace the child lost. While some of the women carry the second baby to terms, studies have shown that most of the second abortions take place within a year of the first one. If the pregnancy does take place as a result of desire to replace a child it definitely should be treated as a "crisis" pregnancy, with much needed support and tender loving care, otherwise repeated abortion may take place.

In spite of what is being told about abortion, its aftereffects are profound and our society has not began yet to fully realize the extent of damage abortion can cause.

If an abortion has taken place in a marriage it is very likely to disrupt the dynamics of a healthy and happy family. It is particularly true if subsequent children were born out of desire to replace what was lost to the abortion. But it does not affect only children that are born after an abortion, it affects children that were born before as well. Some children may develop a "survival syndrome", while not being a medical or psychological term, it definitely exists in many children that were affected by abortion. These children will do just anything they can in order to please their parents and people around them. They often may feel that they can not do enough to earn respect and love. But on the other hand if a child is misbehaving and call for some discipline and reprimand, parents may be so overwhelmed with guilt over past abortion that hesitate to reprimand the child when they called to so. This inability to discipline and reprimand the child can be present in parent-child relationship in both with children that were born before abortion as well as with children that were born after.

Children that are born after abortion, and in particular children that were born out of desire to replace a child lost, may go through some very difficult times in their relationships with their parents. One of the most difficult parts that parents need to learn that nothing will ever replace what was lost. This can be done by acknowledging that what was lost was very precious, unique and irreplaceable, and help bring a closure.

Many teenagers have asked "Why don't you accept me for who I am?!" While this kind of question can be result of a rebellion stage of their lives, one can not help but wonder whether the parents see in this child some one else? Not only did they see some one else, but it is very possible they wanted to be that child some one else. In the mind of parents the child, that would have been born if abortion did not take place, is better and the child that they have never meets their expectations.

To brake through this kind of vicious cycle, the couple who may have had an abortion would need some deep soul searching and maybe some professional help as well. The good news that there are many people today who come forth and talk about their personal experience of abortion and its aftereffects on their lives. The support groups are being formed around the world where people help each other on the path of healing after abortion.

Abortion and Post Abortion Syndrome

Post-Abortion syndrome is a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. The process of making an abortion choice, experiencing the procedure and living with the grief, pain and regret is certainly, at its very core, traumatic. As with any trauma, individuals often try to "forget" the ordeal and deny or ignore any pain that may result. Many simply don't relate their distress to the abortion experience. At some point, however, memories resurface and the truth of this loss can no longer be denied. During these moments, the pain of post-abortion syndrome reveals itself in the hearts of millions of lives.

The symptoms of post abortion syndrome will not necessarily appear at the same time, nor is likely that any woman will experience the entire list. Some may occur immediately after an abortion and others much later. If you can identify with more than two of these symptoms, it could be that you are experiencing post-abortion syndrome.

Below are the symptoms that describe post-abortion syndrome, as described by Dr. Paul and Teri Reisser in their book, Help for the Post-Abortive Woman (now entitled A Solitary Sorrow):

1. Guilt. Guilt is what an individual feels when she has violated her own moral code. For the woman who has come to believe, at some point either before or after the abortion, that she consented to the killing of her unborn child, the burden of guilt is relentless. There is little consolation to offer the woman who has transgressed one of nature's strongest instincts: the protection a mother extends to her young. In fact, many post-abortive women believe that any unhappy events that have occurred since the abortion were inevitable because they "deserve it."

2. Anxiety. Anxiety is defined as an unpleasant emotional and physical state of apprehension that may take the form of tension, (inability to relax, irritability, etc.), physical responses (dizziness, pounding heart, upset stomach, headaches, etc.), worry about the future, difficulty concentrating and disturbed sleep. The conflict between a woman's moral standards and her decision to abort generates much of this anxiety. Very often, she will not relate her anxiety to a post-abortion syndrome abortion, and yet she will unconsciously begin to avoid anything having to do with babies. She may make excuses for not attending a baby shower, skip the baby aisle at the grocery store and so forth.

3. Psychological "numbing." Many post-abortive women maintain a secret vow that they will never again allow themselves to be put in such a vulnerable position. As a result, often without conscious thought, they may work hard to keep their emotions in tight check, preventing themselves from feeling the pain of what has happened, but also greatly hampering their ability to form and maintain close relationships. Cut off even from themselves, they may feel as though their lives were happening to another person.

4. Depression and thoughts of suicide. All of us experience depression from time to time, but the following forms of it are certainly common in women who have experienced abortion:

Sad mood--ranging from feelings of melancholy to total hopelessness.
Sudden and uncontrollable crying episodes--the source of which appear to be a total mystery.
Deterioration of self-concept--because she feels wholly deficient in her ability to function as a "normal" woman. Sleep, appetite, and sexual disturbances--usually in a pattern of insomnia, loss of appetite and/or reduced sex drive.
Reduced motivation--for the normal activities of life. The things that occupied her life before the depression no longer seem worth doing.
Disruption in interpersonal relationships--because of the general lack of enthusiasm for all activities. This is especially evidenced in her relationship with her husband or boyfriend, particularly if he was involved in the abortion decision.
Thoughts of suicide--or preoccupation with death. Not surprisingly, in a study done by the Elliot Institute some 33% of post-abortive women surveyed reached a level of depression so deep that they would rather die than go on.

5. Anniversary syndrome. In the survey reference previously, some 54% of post-abortive women report an increase of post-abortion syndrome symptoms around the time of the anniversary of the abortion and/or the due date of the aborted child.

6. Re-experiencing the abortion. A very common event described by post-abortive women is the sudden distressing, recurring "flashbacks" of the abortion episode, often occurring during situations that resemble some aspect of the abortion, such as a routine gynecological exam, or even the sound of a vacuum cleaners suction. "Flashbacks" also occur in the form of recurring nightmares about babies in general or the aborted baby in particular. These "dreams" usually involve themes of lost, dismembered or crying babies.

7. Preoccupation with becoming pregnant again. A significant percentage of women who abort become pregnant again within one year, and many others verbalize the desire to conceive again as quickly as possible. The new baby, sometimes referred to as the "atonement baby," may represent an unconscious desire to replace the one that was aborted.

8. Anxiety over fertility and childbearing issues. A common post abortion syndrome symptom in women is a fear that they will never again become pregnant or be able to carry a pregnancy to term. Some expect to have handicapped children because they have "disqualified themselves as good mothers." Many refer to these fears as punishments from God.

9. Interruption of the bonding process with present and/or future children. Fearing another devastating loss, a post-abortive woman may not allow herself to truly bond with other children. Another common reaction is to atone for her actions toward the aborted child by becoming the world's most perfect mother to her remaining or future children. Likewise, the woman who already had children at the time of her abortion may discover that she is beginning to view them in a different light. At one extreme, she may unconsciously devalue them, thinking things like, "you were the lucky one. You were allowed to live." Or she may go in the opposite direction and become overly protective.

10. Survival guilt. Most women do not abort for trivial reasons. They are usually in the midst of a heartbreaking situation whereby they stand to lose much if they choose to carry their pregnancies to term. In the end, the decision boils down to a sorrowful "It's me or you, and I choose me." But while the abortion frees them from their current trauma, it frequently produces in them an unrelenting guilt for choosing their own comfort over the life of the child.

11. Development of eating disorders. Some post-abortive women developed anorexia or bulimia. While this phenomenon remains largely unexplored at this time, several factors may contribute to it. First, a substantial weight gain or severe weight loss is associated with unattractiveness, which reduces the odds of becoming pregnant again. Second, becoming unattractive serves as a form of self-punishment and helps perpetuate the belief that the woman is unworthy of anyone's attention. Third, extremes in eating behavior represent a form of control for the woman who feels her life is totally out of control. And finally, a drastic weight loss can shut down the menstrual cycle, thus preventing any future pregnancies.

12. Alcohol and drug abuse. Alcohol and drug use often serve initially as a form of self-medication--a way of coping with the pain of the abortion memories. Sadly, the woman who resorts to alcohol and/or drugs eventually finds herself having not only more problems but also fewer resources with which to solve them. The mental and physical consequences of alcohol or drug abuse only amplify most of the symptoms the woman is already experiencing.

13. Other self-punishing or self-degrading behaviors. In addition to eating disorders and substance abuse, the post-abortive woman may also enter in abusive relationships, become promiscuous, and fail to take care of herself medically or deliberately hurt herself emotionally and/or physically.

14. Brief reactive psychosis. Rarely, a post-abortive woman may experience a brief psychotic episode for two weeks or less after her abortion. The break with reality and subsequent recovery are both extremely rapid, and in most cases the person returns completely to normal when it is over. While this is an unusual reaction to abortion, it bears mentioning only because it is possible for a person to have a brief psychotic reaction to a stressful even without being labeled a psychotic individual. During such and episode, the individual's perception of reality is drastically distorted. These individuals should be referred to the care of a professional.

There are many other angles of post-abortive pain. But for everyone who has chosen abortion -- regardless of the circumstances surrounding this decision and number of abortions -- there is good news! Thousands of us who have chosen abortion have found healing when we finally stopped running from these memories. The same peace that I have found is available for you!

For most individuals, abortion is a closely held secret. Rarely do we talk about this pain with family or friends. This is because of feelings like fear of judgment, guilt, shame and grief. In reading this article you have taken a step of great courage. My prayer is that this won't be your first step but the beginning of a journey that will lead to restoration and healing.

Ramah International, Inc. was founded by Sydna A. Masse, a post-abortive woman who experienced God's healing touch eleven years after her abortion through a crisis pregnancy center's ministry program. Upon hearing a recent statistic from the research arm of the largest abortion provider in the world that "... 43% of women will experience abortion at least once by the age of 45 years," she began efforts to minister directly to these hearts.