Of course this isn't going to happen
the day after the abortion. This is a process, there needs to be a period of
grieving. I shrouded myself in a room with angel pictures and angel figurines,
thinking I was creating a form of remembrance. But I wasn't. It was more like a
tomb. This kind of behaviour may be partly also because there is no marked
societal ceremony like a funeral. No place to go to, to mourn.
We may justify to ourselves that it
wasn't a baby, but on a deeper soul level we have a connection to the spirit of
this baby. If you find it hard to let this energy go, then you may have deeper
healing work to do, perhaps abandonment from your own childhood. You need to
let this spirit go, you can't have energy attached to your energy that isn't
meant to be there. It will drag your energy down. And keep you stuck in a
recurring cycle of grief.
When you let this energy go, your
baby is not wafting out in outerspace all by itself. I for one, and I know a
lot of other women think that because we didn't want this child then no one
wants it and it's all alone out there in the Universe. Not so. This was a huge
block in my healing process. The spirit of your baby has a place to be and is
not alone. In fact this spirit is probably doing better than you, so allow
yourself to let it go.
It doesn't mean you will forget and
it doesn't mean that attachment to this spirit isn't yours. Although people who
haven't had an abortion may question this, a lot of women feel that they had a
death of a child. It seems ironic because you chose to abort but really it was
just the solution to one problem you had. Letting go the emotional connection
to this spirit will allow it to transform you and your relationship with this
spirit into something new. Not one of grief.
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