lessons from the fig tree, even today

Somehow I've managed to avoid figs for 31 years. I've had the "newton" version, but I can't recall ever seeing or eating a fig from a tree until last night.

We found these dried figs at Costco last weekend, and we pulled them out of the fridge for dinner last night:

One of the children nearly refused to eat them, and I joked that Jesus liked figs, so they must be good, which led us to read more about Jesus cursing the fig tree that didn't bear fruit.

It's such an interesting part of Scripture in Matthew 21:

18 In the morning, as he was returning to the city, he became hungry. 19And seeing a fig tree by the wayside, he went to it and found nothing on it but only leaves. And he said to it, “May no fruit ever come from you again!” And the fig tree withered at once.

I remembered this part very well, but I'd forgotten the lesson behind it until last night:

20 When the disciples saw it, they marveled, saying, “How did the fig tree wither at once?” 21And Jesus answered them,“Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. 22And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” {Matthew 21}

When we read that last night I was struck by verse 22 so much. I ask, and often I don't know that I truly believe God will do it. I want to think I always do, but I know I waver in my faith, mostly because I'm afraid of being disappointed. I won't commit enough to believe He will do something like throwing a mountain into the sea. My "common sense" {i.e. lack of faith} tells me He likely won't.

I like to think I have faith- and I do know without a doubt that God will do His own will and that His purposes will stand, but asking Him for something specifically and believing He will do it? Do I ever do that? Honestly, I'm kind of scared of that.

I know that we are to ask in the name of Jesus- which means that we are not to be seeking our own will but His to be done {1 John 5:14: And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.}. And harboring sinful desires and asking God to fulfill my lusts or selfish motivation- that's not in the name of Jesus or the will of the Father, that's seeking after the good of my own name.

But if my heart is right with God, and I'm seeking after Him with my whole heart, and wanting to give Him my all... I believe God will give us the desires of our hearts {Psalm 37:4}. Not necessarily the fulfillment of our fleshly, discontent-driven desires {and we should pray He doesn't give us those!! Quail in the wilderness, anyone?}, but that He changes our fleshly desires into His perfect desires in our heart. No longer do we long for sinful things- we long to please Him, and that in itself is a testimony to the work that God has done in our lives. There is no good reason outside of the Holy Spirit that I should want to obey God, you know? It's crazy.

But in an effort to avoid a prosperity/self-seeking kind of theology, I wonder if I swing too far in the other direction to lacking in faith by not asking for His help specifically. He already knows what I need, and I can trust Him with my whole heart to provide it. He will provide a Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf! He gave me His Spirit to dwell within me! He will lead me in the way I should go. He will guide my heart and my desires. I can always trust Him with everything.

Will He give me a serpent if I ask for fish? He promises to give me Himself- His Holy Spirit when I seek Him! He provided my sinful self with the Holy Spirit- why do I not trust Him fully?

Luke 11:
9And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.10For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 11What father among you, if his son asks ford a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; 12or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

So many times I don't have faith because I am not trusting in His goodness. Why? Why am I afraid God doesn't love me that much that He will provide for what I need? He will give me the desires of my heart through the Holy Spirit. When I'm not trusting Him I'm not relying on the power of God- I'm relying on my own understanding.

I can only guess I hold back part of my heart because I don't have the faith I need to trust He is who He says He is, and He is good. He is always good, and I need to have faith in Him and His good work in every part of my life.

Oh, you guys.

He still speaks through the fig tree today.

Last night I laid Zane in his bed in his room {for the second time ever} at 9 and he woke up at 12 restless, despite my feeding him and trying to calm him down over and over.

As I leaned over his crib, I imagined facing yet another night with a sleepless baby, and I started praying- and as I was praying I remembered the fig tree from dinner. My weak {wimpy} prayer went something like this:

Lord, if you can curse a fig tree and make it wither like that, surely making a baby sleep through the night is not too hard of a thing for you? You made this baby, and you know how to make him sleep- I believe in you- help me believe that you will do it- help me to have faith that you will answer.

I had no doubt He could do it, but as I prayed I felt He would do it because I believed in Him, and He knew what I needed. Not to my own credit, by any means, because I could tell my mind was tempted to go back to doubting that He would. I am really good at wavering when left to myself.

So Rob scooted me out of the room and took over, and I went to bed and thought something like watch God go and make him sleep through the night.

What do you think happened?

You already know, don't you? :)

At 8:30, I had to wake the baby up so Rob could get ready for work. My child has never slept more than a few hours in his whole life. And he slept 8.5 hours straight.

Who is our God? 

Does He not delight in giving His children good gifts?? 

He certainly must!! I was amazed to see this on the clock this morning as I grabbed my coffee with the baby still in his bed:

Our Father provided abundant sleep for his daughter in the most miraculous way last night. And He provided both the faith and the blessing. I'm in awe of Him. It makes me cry like a baby to think of how faithless I am and how faithful He is still.

The Word of God is living and active, and our God still displays His glory and power in miraculous ways, today.

I never really understood why Jesus cursed an out of season fig tree. But the whole thing wasn't about a tree or its lack of fruit necessarily- according to Jesus, it was a lesson about the disciples' faith, and even my faith, 2000 years later.

Sleeping through the night was my mountain to be thrown into the sea. It seemed impossible just yesterday. 

Yet, with the tiniest, weakest bit of faith He did something huge in my life. I don't deserve that good gift, and yet He provided abundantly for me. His love for me is incredible, and the power of His Word is never lacking, and it reaches so much further than I can even comprehend. 

His Word is alive and powerful today. Not just then. 

Today.

Even thousands of years later-- our God is still working miracles through fig trees. 

p.s......thank you for praying.  :)

a week away + real life struggles

We had a wonderful little getaway last week to the Beaver's Bend area {in southeastern Oklahoma}. It was so good to leave work behind for a few days. I don't know if it's because I'm getting old or have more kids, but vacations and breaks feel better than they ever have before. :)

I know it's life with a new baby, but I've been so tired lately and it's affected me in every way. I think getting to a quiet place was good for my soul. I needed to recover. :) 

For 2.5 days straight, I did nothing but make {and eat} food and sit around while the kids played outside. :)

We picked a sweet little cabin and even with a special deal, we paid a little more than we normally would for a few special kid features. 

Specifically this treehouse, mountain trails, a horse tire swing, and a hot tub:

And the kitchen was fully stocked with dishes and supplies {though I still brought my Keurig, hahahah!}. We made spaghetti, popcorn chicken, and had lots of fun kid things like Lucky Charms. :)

I spent most of the time in here by the fire listening to worship music and reading. It was perfect. :)

Zane liked it too:

And we ended the week at my mom's house. This was the one time we did anything remotely active {and it was hard!}:

Biking 6 miles of hills surprisingly wasn't the pleasure cruise I thought it would be, but we had fun sweating it out too. The plus side of going up steep hills is that you get to coast downhill really fast!

Zane has been extremely restless at night for the past couple of months, and he was back to his restless ways by the time we went to my mom's house on Thursday, so by the time we were home Sunday I was totally exhausted after not sleeping again. I just felt so discouraged to come back to another week feeling the same way I had when I left.

And then {my hero} Rob came to the rescue, and even though he has to go to work, he has been taking the first shift with the baby so I can sleep for a few hours. On Monday, I woke up after 4 hours of straight sleep for the first time since he was born, and I can't tell you how thrilled I was to sleep that long!! :) Thank you, Lord God, for my sweet husband who was willing to stay up for his exhausted wife. 

I am so thankful for the rest and honestly, even more for the time I got to spend with Jesus this last week. It's back to regular life again, and I'm fighting to make it to summer. I know I have it easy compared to so many people, but it feels like this everyday life stuff is hard right now.

It's kind of at that bootcamp point where you want to quit but you really don't get a choice. You keep going, even when you feel like throwing up and falling on the ground. :) It won't last forever and you know it so you keep moving, doing the next thing. You set your eyes ahead of you and make each foot move one step at a time. :)

This is a season, and my goal is to focus on spending more time praising God even when I am overwhelmed and don't feel like it. I want my eyes to set their focus on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, you know? He is teaching me, sanctifying me, and convicting me of my sin in these hard things, and it's good.

I'm so thankful for the Word of God, and even more so when things aren't easy. The Psalms are such a comfort to me because they remind me of how God relates to His people in both joy and in trials. I shared this on Facebook the other day, and I need to remind myself of it again today. :)

If you're walking through afflictions or hard things and you are a believer in Christ Jesus, know today that God is there with you! He is faithful!

I believe from Psalm 119 that He gives us afflictions in this life for lots of different reasons- so that we can learn to walk in His way, so that we will trust in His Word, so that we rely on His promises and learn of His love and faithfulness:

Psalm 119:50:

This is my comfort in my affliction,

that your promise gives me life.

verse 67: Before I was afflicted I went astray,

but now I keep your word.

verse 71: It is good for me that I was afflicted,

that I might learn your statutes.

verse 75: I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous,

and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.

verse 92: If your law had not been my delight,

I would have perished in my affliction.

verses 105-108: 

Your word is a lamp to my feet

and a light to my path.

I have sworn an oath and confirmed it,

to keep your righteous rules.

I am severely afflicted;

give me life, O Lord, according to your word!

Accept my freewill offerings of praise, O Lord,

and teach me your rules.

The Lord is always good- ALWAYS faithful, and He can always be trusted. Even when we're hurting and grieving He is there, and His purposes will prevail. We don't have to understand "why" to trust His Word and offer Him praise in the meantime. If you are afflicted today, study His Word and meditate on His righteous rules and faithfulness and sing His praise with worship, and His Spirit will bring you comfort.

And if you need to confess your sin or lack of trust, do it- don't delay! There is nothing that won't be revealed in the end, sweet friend. Don't let it hinder your heart from knowing and seeking after the Lord. He is worth far more than all else this world offers you. Seek Him with all your heart and He will not turn you aside.

And if you want to know Him but don't know what holds you back, ask Him to reveal your sin to you and when He does, REPENT from your sin. Holding on to our sin keeps us from approaching the throne of grace. It's never worth it, I promise you that. Seek Jesus with all your heart. Love Him with all your soul. Turn from your sin and humble yourself before God, and ask Him to teach you His righteous rules so that you may obey His Word. Because of the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus, our God will do it in us- He is faithful, and He will give life according to His word!"

I'm so thankful our God gives life to our soul, and even when we are weary and feel like giving up, He will give us the strength to keep going. :) 

It is so very good to know He has a plan for us. Even when life feels like bootcamp, He is there and we can find find hope in His Word at all times. That's what I'm clinging to right now. :)

How was your week? I feel like it's been forever! :)

Are you in a "bootcamp" season right now too? :) What motivates you? 

What's your favorite Psalm?
I love Psalm 34, 119, 27, and 145...okay, okay- all of them, hehehe. :)

finding your God-given ministries + and how you can preach the Gospel right now

Okay, so, do you remember the Great Commission?

 19Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in^b the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19

I always thought that seemed like the hugest task for every Christian. I imagined I had to be somewhere in a desert in Pakistan teaching English to preach the Gospel and make disciples of people who had never heard of Jesus.

And while I don't think I would mind doing that {it used to be my dream, actually}, I realized somewhere along the way that for now, I've been given the same task here where God has placed me, and I've been given tons of people to preach the Gospel to right where I am.

I was focusing on the big missionary call, I guess- it didn't occur to me that God could use that verse in my life here in the States with people who have heard the Gospel before. In my mind, I had to "go" somewhere before I could make disciples. :) But the coolest thing is that the disciples did go and preach the Gospel like Jesus commanded them to, and here I am in the USA, thousands of years later, knowing the Gospel! :D

Over the last few years, I think God has shown me that the disciples can be {and need to be} made right here, too. {I don't know what He has planned for us in the future! ;)}. And His harvest is plenty- all around us, and in every single nation, everywhere!

This makes me so excited- no matter where you are, or who you are- God has given you a ministry too! 

The disciples had a specific ministry that was given to them, and you do too! Did you realize that you have a great deal of influence in the lives of others?

You have been given a particular group of people in your life- a group that is completely unique to you- on purpose, by the Lord of Hosts. And your life displays the gospel to them!

It's so crazy to me: every single person has their own sphere of influence.

You've been given a ministry of your very own- to the people God Himself has sovereignly placed in your life- and your influence is far-reaching! And like Jesus' ministry when He taught and walked with His disciples and family, your greatest influence also happens with the people with whom you spend the most time.

the circles of influence

I made a little visual of what I'm talking about. I call it the circles of influence:

Here's how it works: when God is the center of your life, His influence flows outward through you to others. And you have the most influence in the lives of the people in the circles closest to you, because you spend the most time with them.

Did you realize your family is your biggest ministry and place to share and live the Gospel? I don't know why it took me so long to realize that!

You will spend years and years of your life with your spouse, and they will refine you, and when your life is centered on God, His heart will shine through you to your husband! :)

The same with your children- though we are with them less than our spouses, they live with us for so many years- and we get to teach them most of what they will know about the world- including how Jesus has changed our lives.

these little people are the ones I have the biggest influence on.

But our ministries don't just stop there- they keep working outward. When our eyes are on Him, God shines through us, our marriages, our families, outside to our extended families and friends. Our very lives become a display of the Gospel, not to mention our ability and the opportunity to speak the words of truth to our parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles... you probably get the idea. :D

Your influence and life- whether you are walking in the light or not- spreads outward still to our friends, co-workers, people we meet at the gym, people we talk to at church- even to people we talk to in the checkout line at Walmart!

Isn't that so amazing? And so scary too?

erasing our doubts with Scripture

When you realize the size of your ministry right now- it makes you want to drop to your knees and not leave them, doesn't it? We have such a great responsibility! How can we even handle that?

Then all of these fears and doubts start to come and keep us from sharing the Gospel with the people around us. We start to think:

1. I don't know enough.
You don't have to know all kinds of theology to know Jesus. When you are saved, He gives you His Spirit, who brings all knowledge of Him! And We can't know anything about God without Him, anyway! :D You don't have to be a theologian or even go to church for years, for the Holy Spirit to work in your heart and teach you what you need to know for the moment. :) He does it through your heart, and His Word, and He will give you the right answer when you seek Him with everything.

You don't have to have all the answers for questioning people, either. Your God knows the answers, and He will guide you when to speak, and when to be silent. :)

2. I'm not good enough.
Here's the best news ever: no one is! There are no righteous people. Not a single person outside of Jesus can be good enough! :D You are a sinner, in need of a Savior, just like every other person in your life.

You don't have to be good enough, because Jesus paid for your sins on the cross. Do you want to do better? Sure- I think God has given us a desire to be more like Him, and our hearts grieve when we sin. But we always have to remember that His grace is sufficient for us- and the work has already been done. We couldn't do enough to be saved, and we can't do enough to keep our salvation. It is a gift from God.

3. I'm afraid of offending people I know.
Me too, sometimes. I think we all are at some point! But here's what the Bible says- everything will be revealed in the end anyway- and they will know the truth. And what can they really do to you, anyway:

Matthew 10: 26“So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. 27What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. 28And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.^f 

Most of us are a far cry from being killed for what we say about Jesus. We might be disliked, but really, we have nothing to lose. Our God is the only one we will stand before in the end.

4. One person isn't going to matter, anyway.
It might be easy for us to justify this fear more on the outermost circles, but I think we can't deny that our influence is huge within our families. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:6, when we train up our children in the way they should go, even when they grow old, they won't depart from it. That's crazy, isn't it?

So how we act and react to our family now changes the way they act and react to us and others in the future. And even though the responsibility is great, I'm probably messing up here the most.

In fact, right now as I'm writing this, Ava wants me to stop and print her out coloring sheet after sheet, and I don't want to be patient with her. Nothing in me wants to get up and fix the printer that's broken again or get her cereal while I'm in the middle of reading my Bible. :(

But then I realize how impatient I'm being with her. I'm not showing her how patient God is with me. I'm not even giving her the same grace I've been given and don't deserve {and I'm not 3 years old!}.

Ugh. But why am I not? Because I'd rather selfishly do what I want to do instead of putting the needs of others first.{sin}. I don't even want to help the helpless 3-year-old.

And even more, the way I respond to her is teaching her how to respond to other people when they ask her to do things she doesn't want to do when she grows up.

That kind of responsibility and influence seems too great to bear, doesn't it?

I think it is.

I can't even be good enough to show my smallest child how to be good.

That's how desperate I am for Jesus.

See, my circle of influence will produce terrible fruit if left on it's own.

If I don't have God as my strength, and at the core of my life-  my sin will influence my husband and children and family, and on and on that influence will spread.

how we can share the Gospel with others

But if God is my strength and my portion- I'm no longer doing this through me- it's Him doing the work.

If my heart is a cup that is empty and broken for Him to fill- He will fill it to overflowing, and His water will spill out to all of the other circles. And it's not me doing that- it's Him.

Alone, I won't have the right words to say to that lady in the checkout line. 

Alone, I could never teach the heart of my son to be willing to share with others.

Alone, I could never know enough about the Bible to share the truth with one friend.

Alone, I can't even bring up the desire to stop what I'm doing for a small child.

I can't do any part of this life without Him.

You see, sharing the Gospel with people around you isn't about knowing the most Scriptures, or being the best rule follower, or being able to defend Creationism or anything else.

It's about knowing the Gospel from your heart- your core, because you know what the Lord has done for you, an unrighteous and unholy sinner- who has been made clean and pure because of what Jesus did for you. And because of what God is doing in your heart, He will bring the light to those around you.

When the Gospel- what Jesus did on the cross- dying for your sins and defeating death so that you can live- affects your heart from it's very core- your heart changes, and everyone can see it.

Does that mean you don't have to speak then? I can't imagine that! A heart that has been changed by the Holy Spirit could hardly contain the truth and keep it quiet! :D You won't be able to not share!

Isn't that the best news ever, though? You have no ability outside of what God gives you. You won't ever be good enough. He is the source of life and of the light- you can't spread it on your own, any more than you could create it! :D

Jesus has done the work, and He will do the work in you!

perfect people need not apply

You don't have to be perfect {trust me, you can't anyway!}. God has already fulfilled it!! :D

All you have to do is look to Him for your light. Keep your eyes on Him, and His light will shine through you like the morning sun. Give up your desires- and your defenses and doubts- and He will work through you like crazy. Oh!!!! It's so incredible!

Love Him- spend time with Him in the Word and in prayer, and your heart will start to love others more and more.

Your influence is great- God has given you these people in your life- don't try to bear that on your own.   Live for Jesus, and the light of the Gospel will shine through you because of the Holy Spirit at work!

God is so good to us- He redeemed us and is making us new. What can He not do with the people in your life too? :) No matter where you are- how long you've been saved- God can do this very same thing in you.

Oh, sweet friends, I pray that we can focus our eyes on our Savior and what He has done for us, and that His work will shine outward to even strangers in our lives! I know He can do it, and He will do it when we ask Him! :D


How have you ever seen your influence or responses affecting your family?

Have you ever felt those doubts like I have? How did God change your heart? I would LOVE to hear what God is doing in your life! :D 

Any praises for what God has done recently in your life? Please tell us so we can rejoice with you!

the most destructive sin in my life right now.

Last week I saw this quote by Tim Keller on Pinterest and it cut me straight to the heart:

source: pinterest

Almost instantly, I wanted to put away the whole idea for another day, but that night I found myself really thinking about which sin it was for me {I have lots to choose from!}.

I had one sin that came to mind almost instantly when I saw it, but it turns out I was just looking on the surface. God had a deeper sin surgery in mind for me, and He was taking me through it that very week. Ahhh, it was rough.

You know, the longer I walk with the Lord, the more I feel the difference of what sin does in my heart compared to being in His presence.

When sin seeps into my heart, it starts to feels like a poison to my soul. I can go from full of joy and lightness to heavy burning and turmoil in my heart in no time at all. I hate it.

It's such a noticeable change- but it's not because I know it with my mind {I mean, I used to love that sin feeling, and would let it brew}. I think it's only because God is working on making me a new creation- giving me a new heart that doesn't like sin anymore.

Seeing sin in my heart, for me, is like working out but so much worse. Identifying sin is like taking your heart through so much work and pain you want to die, but it feels so good when it's over. You feel so much better and lighter when it's done, and you grow stronger.

I don't know if that makes sense at all, but as much as my flesh doesn't want to be shown my sin, God makes my heart want to be shown my sin so I can grow and get healthier. And I have started to hate the sin more because I can't stand taking the poison- it tastes so bad- so nasty- when you have had the living water.

When sin enters your heart, you know it's poisonous to you, and you have to cry out to the only Healer you know to keep it from overtaking your body.

What I thought was a simple sin when I first saw the picture, God later revealed at it's root.

My worst sin? The one I am most defensive about? The one I won't even admit to most of the time?

I think it's pride.

Whether I'm not trusting God, or I'm fearing for the future, or I'm holding something against somebody,  it always comes back to this one issue- pride.

It's the life sucker, the joy stealer, and the anger and sin initiator in me.

When I think I have rights, when I think I deserve more credit, when I think I have control, when I am offended- it's because I feel I'm worth more than I really am. I'm placing myself higher than others.

When I worry- I'm telling God His plan isn't good enough for me to trust in.

When I think I should be in control- I'm saying my own opinion is worth more than His {or anyone else's}.

When I am offended- I feel my "due" rights and feelings have been violated, and it angers or upsets me.

When sin enters my heart, the gateway continually seems to be pride.

I always think I deserve more.

And that at its very root is what caused the fall of Lucifer, and the fall of all mankind in the very beginning.

Wanting to elevate ourselves above God is the ultimate sin, and it causes us endless pain, suffering and misery, and a life apart from God for eternity.

Wanting to elevate ourselves above other people causes us very much the same in the temporary world- we only end up in pain and misery and separate ourselves from others.

Saying in our hearts, "I should be allowed to, or I deserve more than...." is a sin that causes us so much anguish and turmoil in our hearts, and we don't even realize it.

Placing ourselves higher than God and others brings us not only pain, but punishment too.

What does God say about pride?

He hates it:

The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.  Proverbs 8:13

He will punish it:

I will punish the world for its evil, and the wicked for their iniquity; I will put an end to the pomp of the arrogant, and lay low the pompous pride of the ruthless. Isaiah 13:11 Before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. Proverbs 18:12 The haughty looks of man shall be brought low, and the lofty pride of men shall be humbled, and the LORD alone will be exalted in that day. Isaiah 2:11

It will only cause our own destruction and humiliation in the end:

A man of wrath stirs up strife,and one given to anger causes much transgression.
One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor. Proverbs 29:22-23

For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:11

You save a humble people, but your eyes are on the haughty to bring them down. 2 Samuel 22:28

In Leviticus, God details all the laws He gives for the people so that they will be set apart from the world- so that He could be in a covenant with them and be their God. In chapter 26, He tells them what will happen if they abhor - if they hate from their soul with pride in their hearts- the laws He has given them, and disobey them. This is how much God detests their pride:

4“But if you will not listen to me and will not do all these commandments, 15if you spurn my statutes, and if your soul abhors my rules, so that you will not do all my commandments, but break my covenant, 16then I will do this to you: I will visit you with panic, with wasting disease and fever that consume the eyes and make the heart ache. And you shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it. 17I will set my face against you, and you shall be struck down before your enemies. Those who hate you shall rule over you, and you shall flee when none pursues you. 18And if in spite of this you will not listen to me, then I will discipline you again sevenfold for your sins, 19and I will break the pride of your power, and I will make your heavens like iron and your earth like bronze. 20And your strength shall be spent in vain, for your land shall not yield its increase, and the trees of the land shall not yield their fruit.

And He goes on to detail what will happen if they continue to be prideful against Him... and it's not pretty.

God hates pride.

He disciplines us, His people whom He loves- so we will be broken, so we will be humbled, and know He is God and we are not.

In my own eyes, I don't sin, but God knows my heart.

I justify myself, but in doing so, I'm committing the very sin God hates.

It's so hard to write- it's awful. I am so full of pride and self-love every single day, and it comes out over and over and over again. Ahhhh.

I want to kill it. I can't come before God with this poison in my heart.

It hurts me in so many ways.

I cannot be holy, I cannot awake in His likeness if my heart is full of pride.

My heart needs Jesus to the very core, and I know I can't do it on my own. To think I could be good enough would be pride itself.

That's why what Jesus did is so crazy.

I was full of sin and pride and didn't even have the sense to realize it on my own, when He rescued me and paid my ransom so that I could be His own.

He had such great mercy on me to show me favor when I reared my ugly head in pride against Him and sinned.

I deserve the punishment of Leviticus 26 and MORE. Who am I to stand before a Holy God with such sin in my heart??

I'm not worthy. Only Jesus is worthy, because He was righteous and without sin- and He had so much love for me, He brought my punishment on Himself.

And knowing what He did- that He did that for me- makes sinning now even worse to me.

How could I bring such an attitude now, when I know what Christ has done?

It's hideous.

But God shows me this pride now, and He does it because He loves me so much He cannot leave me where I was before. He wants to discipline my heart because I am His child.

He is doing surgery on me, because He loves me enough to put me through that pain so that I can live.

Sin is my cancer, and He's removing each and every tumor one by one, because that's how much He loves me.

It's so painful at the moment, but He reminds me:

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

And what does He tell me? He is doing it because He loves me, and He gives me instruction:

19Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. 20Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. 21The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne.

If you hear His voice- if He is calling you to repent- don't deny Him today. Don't keep the door shut.

He loves you, and He promises you a great reward for opening the door to your heart.

It's painful at the moment, but it's so worth it in the end. 

Jesus died so that we could live- and live more abundantly- not less. There is such freedom in leaving sin behind. I can tell you that firsthand.

You are so loved by an awesome God, my friend. He is worthy of all of you- don't be afraid to turn to Him and show Him all of your heart.

He knows you from the very depths of your soul, and nothing will surprise Him, I promise. Give Him your heart- confess your sin. He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Oh, thank you Jesus for allowing us to live and for killing sin in our hearts. Please don't let us to ourselves- we need you in every thought, to put down any pride or anything that sets itself up against the knowledge of you. Thank you for your sacrifice, and for your mercy toward sinners, for it is GREAT. We love you Jesus. Change our hearts. Tear us apart until we don't even look like ourselves, and we awake in your likeness.


How have you seen Jesus working in your heart against sin lately?

Have you found that it bothers you more too?

How has He changed you recently?

how to get rid of that heavy burden in your chest

Over the last few months I do believe I have been through every emotion known to man. And you know I never exaggerate. :) But it really did feel like it.

Normal life, conflict, exhaustion, sadness, joy, anger, love- it seems like you feel everything more when hormones are involved. Or it could just be that I'm a woman, and I always have. :)

Through it all, God has been so good to me.

When I had been feeling down or overwhelmed or sad, or had a desire to dwell on something that I shouldn't over the past few months, He taught me something that helped me leave those feelings behind and that has without fail, restored my joy.

Every time I think about a situation or want to dwell on something that makes sad, angry, or upset, I ask Him to help me, and here's what He tells my heart:

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

Fix your eyes on me, He says to my spirit. Set your mind on what is good- and the only thing that is truly good is Jesus Himself.

Hebrews 12:1-2 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Holy, righteous, worthy of praise, full of love and mercy, redeeming the lost and making them new.

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty.

When I ask Him for help, my weighed-down spirit starts to praise Him- I start thinking about who He is, and thanking Him for what He has done. I start focusing on Jesus and giving Him praise, and the burden in my heart really starts to disappear.

Before I know it, I can only dwell on the goodness of God, and He has taken my heart's burden away.

It's completely unexplainable. It's supernatural- no amount of positive thinking will do what this does.

When I fix my eyes on Jesus, the Holy Spirit overcomes my worry, my anxiety, my anger, my sadness by setting my heart on my one true Hope. He reminds me of who is in charge of it all.

No weight in my heart or heavy burden compares to the one who is King over all creation.

There is no hope apart from Him. When I praise Him, I remember my hope is in him alone, and it gives me joy again.

Psalm 42: Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

I remember one week a couple of months ago, when I was at the peak of the worst part of my sickness that God had been showing me this for the first time. I remember feeling like I had nothing left to give, and I told Him that.

And then God, in my weakness, took me and helped me put my eyes on Him instead of how I felt, or how much I wanted to give up. "Set your eyes on Jesus" became the phrase I couldn't get out of my head, in a good way. I had to repeat it over and over, and it gave my thoughts the right direction every time.

That very Sunday after that week, my friend Ashlee was leading worship with her husband, and the Holy Spirit led her to share what was on her heart about the song we were singing. And oh, I couldn't stop crying when I heard it.

She told us that when she was feeling down the week before, the Lord had reminded her soul to bless Him. She shared that He had showed her that it was not just a phrase that we worship or sing praise to, but a command for our soul to bless the name of the Lord, no matter what we felt like.

Psalm 103 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! 2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, 3 who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 5 who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Oh, how I LOVE the Holy Spirit! The tears came overflowing, because it was the very thing God had been saying to me when I was feeling down that same week. She said it so perfectly, and it was so encouraging to my heart. Our God is so ALIVE!! He is moving and working!! He speaks to us in so many ways!!!

Bless the Lord, O my soul. 

Look on what the Lord has done.

Set your eyes on me, He says. I will make your burdens light.

Matthew 11  28Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Whatever your weight may be today, I want to encourage you- give it to Jesus by looking to Him for help.

Set your eyes on Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. Just praise Him.

He already knows your burden, and He will make it light.

Bless Him, even when you don't feel like it. When you want to dwell on that one thing that makes your chest heavy- start to praise the Lord for who He is and what He has done.

He is the Lord God Almighty who created the very air you are breathing right now.

What can He not do with your situation?

Praise Him, even when you are sad or hurt or just plain weary. Like Ashlee said so well- command your soul to bless Him.

Pray His Word over and over if you don't know what to say. David said it so well for us:

Psalm 34: 1 I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. 2 My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad. 3 Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together! 4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. 5 Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. 6 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. 7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. 8 Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! 9 Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! 10 The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.

Oh, sweet friend, taste and see that the Lord is good- blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

It's a promise. And it's true. I can tell you.

Look to Him, and He will give you rest from these troubles and make your burdens light.

Oh, how He is merciful to our stubborn hearts! He helps us in our weakness.

Psalm 28 7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul. Trust in Him, my strength and my shield.

He is good, and His mercy endures forever.

Will you fix your eyes and your hope on Him today?






With song, you can give thanks to Him like we did in worship on that Sunday. Did you guess what we were singing? :)




How have you seen Him working in your heart to lift your anxiety? 

Do you have a story of His goodness to you when you felt the heavy weight removed? Please share! :D You might encourage someone else's heart today!

fighting distraction in prayer

Here's how my morning prayer time went, I kid you not:

"Oh Father, I love you- help me to be more like you, God."

I wonder what color I should paint the girls' room...that cream might be too yellow...

"Lord God, I need your help. I am weak and have nothing apart from you."

What color should we paint the stairs? Should we use enamel? When in the world will we have time to paint them?

AHHHHH, good grief, what the heck am I thinking about painting for?? I'm in the middle of praying!

"Oh, Lord I'm so sorry my mind keeps wandering. Keep me focused on you, Jesus. I don't even want to be thinking about painting. Please keep the enemy from distracting me right now."

And I have to keep praying that to keep my mind from going to what I'm cooking for dinner, when I'm getting the oil changed in the car, and how the grass is looking this year.

It's so sad.

I might be the only person this ever happens to, but it took me forever to even realize it was happening, and it's still a constant battle to quiet my own thoughts when I pray.

The weird thing is that an entire side of my brain is going 90 miles an hour while I'm trying to speak on the God of the universe.

Sometimes I get so tired of wearing this human flesh.

I started thinking about the reasons why it's always so easy for me to be distracted in prayer:

1. I am a sinner. It is the sinful flesh I'm wearing. The desire in me, even subconsciously, to put anything or myself before God, is horrific and wicked, and it's what started this whole mess back in the Garden.

2. I have a very real enemy who does not want me to have fellowship with God. He hates it when I focus my heart and mind on Him. He's trying everything to take my attention away from God when I am alone with Him.

3. I've made a habit of thinking of everything else but God for many hours of the day. So when it comes time to pray, is it really any surprise that the thoughts I think all day long invade?

While I think about God and pray often throughout the day {and it's increased the more I've grown in Christ- thanks only to God}, I've still given first priority of most of my thoughts to my tasks and plans all day long. I should be meditating on God more throughout my day to make Him the focus of my thoughts. And I should be in the habit of giving Him the first place in my mind.

What's really strange to me: I'm always so surprised when I realize that I was thinking about something else while praying. It's like Jesus says, my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. My heart wants to be entirely focused on God, but my mind won't let me. It's so frustrating, but I've only found one solution.

The one thing that helps me to focus on God while I'm in prayer is to ask Him to help me focus on Him.

As soon as I notice I'm distracted, I ask God to please help me not to think of anything else but Him, and that He would keep Satan back from me. I ask Him to empty my mind, and keep me from loving other things before Him.

And He does it.

He quiets my mind, and it's like all of the sudden there's a hedge around my mind. It's only the God of the universe who can quiet my mental to-do list. He alone can defeat the enemy- I can't do it with my own willpower.

I'm so thankful He can.

It makes such a difference.

I want to love Him with all of me. I want Him to make my heart pure before Him. I want to love Him with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:27

I want Him to be in my thoughts all day long- I long for my mind to be pure before Him. I don't want anything to come before He does.

It makes me really sad that I think of paint colors{!} or dinner plans while I'm praying. Mostly because I know nothing is hidden from Him. It's not like I can have a separate place in my thoughts He won't notice. And I keep failing Him there, over and over again.

Why does He even help me?

Because He loves me.

He wants me to be pure before Him. He died for me, while I was still a sinner. I wasn't good before He saved me, and I'm not keeping my salvation by being good enough for Him. That's what so incredible.

I don't even really get it. It doesn't make sense to my human heart.

He LOVES me, even when I fail Him. My heart is broken and ugly, but He's giving me a new one. One like His Son's, that won't fail Him.

And that's why He deserves all of my heart. And soul. And strength. And every part of my mind, too.

Oh, He is so good to me.

Thank you Father, for being good when we are not.

Do you find yourself thinking of other things in prayer too? {please tell me I'm not the only one!}

Have you seen God defeat invading thoughts in your prayers? What has helped you?