be careful whom you follow

Jealousy.

Awe.

Shame.

Inspiration.

Embarrassment.

The flood of emotions hit me all at once.

I found a fun new blog, and I had a lot in common with this girl. I liked her. And she liked what I liked. She was impressive- and did challenging things that were some of my favorite to read about. And as I devoured her posts, my heart started burning with shame that I didn't do something equally as impressive as she had.

I could do that if I worked harder... I thought.

And then BAM... the Holy Spirit interceded and stopped my wicked heart from going further.

Wait. What am I doing? Who is this person? Do they even know Jesus? Are they pursuing Him with all their heart? Should this girl be my role model? Should I fix my eyes on her as an example of what is good and right before the Lord?

No. 

In fact, in a quick scan I could tell she doesn't even claim to know Him. Her passion for what she does is awesome and she did it so well, but it doesn't seem to be coming from a heart pursuing what I want in this life. 

Oh, Lord God what am I doing? How many blogs do I look at with this lustful heart, wishing I could be a little more like that girl? 

Why am I reading things that motivate me to pursue worldly things out of jealousy and covetousness??

I need to be more careful to guard my heart- to closely follow only the lives of those who are imitating God. Though my flesh fights me with everything, my spirit doesn't want to covet the lives of others. In my short time on this earth, I truly want to walk closely with people who are walking in the light of our Holy God. I want to imitate God, not man in the midst of his pursuit of worldly passions. Ephesians 5 tells me:

1Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7Therefore do not become partners with them; 8for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9(for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

15Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Oh, man. I see people in "blogland" doing things so very well, and I love to see their excellence. And sometimes, my flesh wistfully wants to pursue things like they are.

I do believe their content can often be both helpful and useful, but I want to remember that as a believer, I'm not called to pursue being known as a great fashionista, a DIY master, a fitness guru, or a fantastic writer or blogger, or anything else. I'm called to pursue the Lord with everything I have. I want to be careful to see that the people I spend time studying on the internet are the people who are following after Jesus with their whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. Those are the kind of people I want to be my role models. 

Unfortunately, my sinful heart naturally wants to to build up an image of what I want to be instead of what seeking after what my soul truly needs. Solomon was so right in Ecclesiastes 4:

4Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity^a and a striving after wind.

I don't want to strive after the wind.

I want to grow into maturity in Christ through His Word and through studying how others have done it before me. Paul tells us who to follow and who not to follow in Phillipians 3:

17Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. 18For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. 20But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.

Oh, that day we will see our Savior!! My heart is no longer to be set on the things of this earth. Seeing my Savior is something worth pursuing. Living for Him now is what I long for. And to be like Him is what I want the most:

You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

The reality of reading blogs is that we are studying the lives of others- sharing in their lives, and perhaps even subconsciously becoming like them in our own lives. The question is: are these the people we really want to imitate? Are they true believers seeking after the Lord?

Sweet followers of Jesus- we have to remember the partnership we are called to:

14Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15What accord has Christ with Belial?^b Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,

“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.
17Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you,
18and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.”

1Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body^a and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.  2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1

I pray that the Lord will help me cleanse my heart from the impurities I've subjected it to- that He would increase His holiness in my heart and reveal my sin and all the ways I've defiled it {though painful}, and that He would help me walk in the light and to leave behind even my most secret fellowship with darkness. That I would see clearly the path that He has set before me and not swerve to the left or to the right to join in with the crowd.

I need to spend less time reading awesome worldly blogs and more time pursuing His holiness. I want to remember:

"All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify." 1 Corinthians 10:23

Even in blogland, 

I need to be careful whom I follow.

How do you guard your heart against the lust of the eyes when it comes to blogs? 

Do you ever find yourself imitating those you are around the most?

Jesus gives victory over death: finding healing after abortion

Today, January 22, is the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. It is the anniversary of one of the darkest days in our nation.

It is so easy for me to get lost in the numbers, in the sadness of millions of deaths, and the grief of it all, but the thought that I am dwelling on today is this:

Jesus gives victory over death.

He already won this battle.

Right now I see a culture- generations of women who are carrying the weight of their decisions with shame.  Women longing to know what true peace is, and what forgiveness in Christ could be.

Oh, that they would truly know His sweet mercy. That they would give all of their burdens to Him, and know His overwhelming love. 

He knew all of the things that we would do before we were even born. And yet, while we were still sinners, Christ died for each one of us. He died so that we could live in Him.

Jesus is my only hope. My only salvation. The only source of truth and forgiveness comes from believing in Him, and I long for the women who have lost part of their hearts to abortion in the last 41 years to know Him and His sweet love. He is good, and merciful, and so gentle with the broken-hearted. Psalm 147:3 says this: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

If your soul has been wounded by the effects of abortion, I long for you to find healing in Jesus too. Through His blood, we have been given a new heart and white robe of righteousness that covers all of our sins. He takes what is broken and makes it new again. It is too incredible for words, but I know it is true with all of my heart. 

Sin steals our joy and robs us of life. Things kept in the darkness become wounds that fester and never heal, but when we bring them to the Light who is Jesus, their nature of shame and death has no longer has power because Jesus defeated death on the cross. Through faith in Him alone, sin no longer has any power over us! Isn't that amazing? We are no longer condemned when we believe in Him:

John 3:16“For God so loved the world,ⁱ that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. 19And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. 20For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. 21But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”

If you don't know Jesus, the Son of God, I long for you to know Him. If you want to know Him, please email me. I would love to walk through it with you.

And if you have walked through abortion, I want you to know there is so much forgiveness, healing and comfort through the Holy Spirit because of the gift of salvation. In Christ we have hope, and we can give Him all of our shame, because "He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not."

He was despised by men. He knew what it meant to be rejected. He knows our grief so very well, and yet He promises to bear our burdens each day. We can give them all to Him. We can bring our pain and sins to the light, and find forgiveness in Him. There is so much freedom in Christ, and we can give these burdens to Him, and it is so encouraging to know that others who have walked in our shoes have done the same. And even more amazing- we are never alone in Christ, because His body of believers is a living extension of Him.

I am so thankful for all of you- thank you for praying and fasting with me for the little ones, and for God to do great things in our culture, and for these women who are healing from their past. I know He can and will do it if He wills, and that whatever we ask in His name, He will do. 

It is such good news, isn't it? We have so much joy because of what Jesus has done for us! 

And even on the darkest of days, when the sting of death and sin is ever so present in the world, we hold on to this hope- that Jesus gives victory over death:

1 Cor. 15:56: The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law; but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

All glory and praise and honor be to the Lord Jesus Christ, for He is worthy. He has overcome the world. Oh praise our merciful Lord, for He has saved us and redeemed us from our sin.

If you're looking for an intimate Bible study setting, there is a one called Surrendering the Secret happening all over the nation. I would love to hear your experiences with that if you have been through it before.

Women Living Well book study conclusion: what is your driving force?

This post is the final installation of the WLW book study series- you can find all the details and the previous posts in the study here!

Today we end our Women Living Well book study- what a journey we've been on for the last eight weeks! I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have! I am so glad we could walk through it together! I hope to post all of the study guides together in one document for you to print soon if you didn't get to finish, or if you didn't get to go through it with us. :)

Conclusion

What is your driving force? The final chapter's concluding question weighs heavily on my heart.

What is the purpose of all of this?? What is my goal in this life?

I can be a great homemaker, I can serve my family well, and I can even know my Bible and go to church, but without the love of Jesus I have nothing.

I seriously have nothing without Him.

It's so easy to get distracted where we are right now. Things are pretty wonderful. Life is challenging, but fulfilling. But there's so much more than just this, and I want that.

I want to see Jesus. When I see Him for the first time, I want to be weeping with joy because I have longed for this day and am His- not weeping with sorrow for a short life I regret.

There is so much more ahead of us. This is so important: if our hearts aren't set on the Lord, then we are wasting our time here.

I can never be righteous or good enough to deserve salvation. I can't even be a good homemaker without Jesus. My heart is selfish, angry, and impure on its own. Left to myself, I produce nothing good. I am the very opposite of holy.

And if I look to things, or to having a perfect house, or a nicer car, or an easier season to make me better or more happy, I've lost sight of the MAJESTY of my Lord who saved me.

All throughout the Bible, the Scriptures speak of people falling face down before the presence of the Lord.

Our God is so holy, we cannot stand in His presence on our own two feet.

Do you realize this??

Do you see it?

Our lives are like a vapor- merely a breath!! Our time here will be less than a blink in eternity.

Let me ask you this: do you love Jesus? Do you love Him with all of your heart? Do you serve Him?  Do you long to obey Him?

Do you just say you do or do you truly love Him? 

If you believe in Him, if you realize WHO He is- the great I AM, you will understand the weight of this.

God cannot be deceived. You can't tell Him it was all a mistake when you see Him.

Are you living for Him now?

Do you desire Him? Do you desire to be like Him? Do you know Him?

Are you longing for His heart, for more of Him?

These are my questions for you.

If you are following Jesus, I can tell you that He will do amazing work in your heart. It's not about rules; it's not about looking better; it's not about doing more. It's about your heart, the very soul of you- changing from its natural lust for sin and itself to becoming a new creation- one who longs for the presence of God and the love that He has.

Salvation is beyond comprehension. That God sent His Son to die for us while we were still sinners, and took our punishment and defeated death itself so that we could become His children....oh!! It's too much for words.

This is our God, friend. The One who rescues and redeems and heals what is broken- undeserved by all means, because we did this to ourselves. This is the same merciful Lord who will return in all His Glory one day soon to judge the earth. You will come before Him after this life is over, and He will judge every man according to what he has done.

Do you know Him? Do you long to be holy as He is holy?

Do you want to know Him?

Seek after Him with all of your heart. Confess your sin before Him- you can't hide it, and you can't stand before Him apart from the work of Jesus who takes your sin away.

Pray to Him- confess your sins and repent from them- believe in Him, and pray and read His Word to hear His voice. He is faithful- He will not despise a broken and contrite heart! He is so good, and He is far kinder than we could ever imagine and loves us more than we ever deserve. Don't live this life for yourself- our God is more worthy of your life than anything or anyone else. You can know Him and walk with Him personally.

When you are saved and are given His Holy Spirit, He convicts you and encourages you and comforts you in the most incredible way. It's certainly not easy to follow Jesus while we live in flesh- we all constantly struggle and none of us are perfect- but God knows our hearts, and the Holy Spirit produces fruit in us when we follow Him. The more we know Him, the more we long to know Him and to see Him on that last day.

Our end is coming, and soon, and very soon- we will see Him. How will you spend these next hours? Will you seek after Him and let Him rule your life? Will you serve Him and follow His commands to love? Will you follow after Him and what He would have for you, no matter what it may bring or change? How will you live these days you've been given? Will you love Him?

He is so good. Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come!!

Will you "walk with the King?"

"share your feast" holiday challenge 2013

This challenge has been heavy on my heart this season already. It started as a burden I felt two years ago, and though you may have seen it here before I want to share it all with you again!

It all started two years ago with these words of Jesus in Luke 14:12-14:

He said also to the man who had invited him, “When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.”

My friends, we are going to be holding feasts in the next few weeks. To us they are important, wonderful celebrations of joy and thankfulness. We have traditions of all kinds, more gifts given and received than any of us can count, and we love it. I love, love, love the holidays. Cool weather, warm fires, yummy foods, family, and all the fun things that come with the winter season- we have been given such wonderful gifts.

But for so many people, the holiday season may be much different. For the poor, it might be a reminder of what they don't have. For the disabled, the holidays might be a lonely time. For the bitter, it’s likely to be a time of misery. For some who are divorced or single, it can be a time of great sadness. For those who are grieving this year, it may be the hardest season they've ever experienced in their lives.

Many of the financially less fortunate may have a place they can go eat a warm Thanksgiving meal for free. But how many have a warm and happy home they can go to as well?

That's why I'm excited to bring you guys a challenge this season.

If you're in, you have the next several weeks to accomplish your mission.

Are you ready for it?

Invite someone you wouldn't normally invite to your feast this year.

Share your feast with someone who doesn't have a loving and living home.

It's really that simple.

I like to call it the “share your feast” holiday challenge.

Open your hands to the poor, your home to the needy. Be the hands of Jesus to them as you welcome them into your home this year.

Show them- show them the love of Jesus firsthand by loving them and welcoming them into your life. Money doesn't change people's lives. Free food doesn't change people's lives. Jesus does. And He wants to do it through us.

When we open our homes to the poor, the hurting, the lonely, the unkind, or even just someone who doesn't have anywhere to go- and welcome them into our lives with love, we are displaying the hope that is in us- seeing them like Jesus saw us all- broken, and in need of love and a Savior. He loves them and He loves us all the same. We are celebrating and sharing that when we invite others into our personal lives. It’s so simple, but I have a feeling it won’t be easy.

Will it be a little weird? I'm guessing it will be. It's not easy to change what we know, and inviting someone different than us may challenge our families and seem awkward at first. I feel like that is almost a sure thing.

We love the comfort of the familiar. But isn't that the most dangerous thing? Our comfort? This world is not our home- we have to be careful not to make life here more important than the life that is to come.

Imagine what can happen when we share the Gospel in person- when we give up our most precious holidays for someone else? What will that show them?

This is something anyone can do- no special skills or talents required, and that extra mouth can be fed at your table for very little. If your family dinners are like mine, you have more leftovers than you can stand to eat anyway!

Open your arms to someone who needs it this year- use the gifts you've been given to share the love of Jesus with others- this is what biblical homemaking is really about. It's about being the light in the darkness- the city on a hill- to those around you. Your home is your city- your ministry of hope in Christ. What a sweet opportunity to share what we've been given with others!

You can make a difference, even under the roof of your own home.

Love others. Welcome someone in with open arms this season. Or maybe at least just invite them! Just a simple invitation can open doors. Even if they don't come, they know you cared!

Will you take the challenge? Let's do it together! What do you say?

If you ask the Lord, I know He will provide a chance for you to do show love to someone over the next six weeks.

Leave me a comment if you want to “sign up” and try something new this holiday season. I will add your name to the bottom of this post {and I'll add your site if you are a blogger too}. Let's encourage and hold each other accountable in this adventure! :D

I can’t wait to see what our Father will do when we work in unity for His name! Oh, please, please pray for this, you guys- pray that His will be done and His glory will be made known among the people this season!

He can do it!! I'm so excited to see and hear what He will accomplish through you!!

why it's so good to grow older + my heart's desire for 31

the hubs made me rice krispie treats for my "21st" birthday ;)

So I turned 31 yesterday.

I sometimes can't believe life is going by so quickly- though 30 was one year that stretched into eternity thanks to being pregnant 42 out of 52 weeks of the year. ;) 

I woke up yesterday morning expecting the sadness of being even older to hit {turning 30 was harder than I thought it would be!}, but strangely enough I was actually really grateful to be able to have lived another year. 31 years is a very long time, and I've been so blessed to be able to experience so many things in three decades. :)

Life is something we don't deserve. The fact that we get to be alive, to know the mercy of God and enjoy His creation for any length of time is a gift, you know what I mean?

The last few birthdays I've woken up with a prayer on my heart for the next year of my life. Last year was that I would grow in maturity in Christ, and this year, I feel God has placed it on my heart to pray for boldness. For fearlessness in Jesus.

I honestly care way too much about what man thinks of me. I care too much about how I look to others, and I care too much about how I am perceived. I'm a people pleaser and approval seeker. And not in the good way you try to share in a job interview. It's not good at all.

It's vanity.

Man's opinion means nothing in eternity, and yet I can be so worried and tense over what other people say and do, especially when it pertains to me. Ugh. It's so vain.

Pride and vanity are easily some of my biggest struggles and sins. It's a constant battle, and one I don't like to even admit.

I think that's why I'm kind of {in a weird way} happy about growing older- it seems like the older- the more wrinkled I get- the more children I have, the more gray hairs I find, the more mistakes I make, the more things are out of my control, the more imperfect I realize I am all the time- the more I need Jesus and the less I care about silly temporary things like how I look or what people think about me. And losing that vanity means I get to be closer to Jesus which makes growing old so worth it.

Wasn't 17 like yesterday? My goodness.
{pic that's been in the Rob's wallet for nearly 14 years}

At the rate life goes, it won't even be long until I meet my Savior. For real. My first baby is turning 10 on Sunday. I graduated from college 10 years ago. College. Crazy. 

This year I want to grow up more in Jesus and stop caring so much about myself- I want to care more about what Jesus wants for me than what anyone else thinks or says about me. I want to gracefully and with wisdom be able to speak and live boldly and without fear of the reproach of man when it comes to the truth of God's Word. Because only the Son of Man's opinion really matters in the end.

I love Jesus so much. I fail Him so often in my words and thoughts, but I'm so thankful the Holy Spirit keeps changing me. I know I am hypocritical all the time because I can't do what I know I'm supposed to do, but I know God is greater than my weakness! {and at least I'm not alone in that- Paul is ahead of me!}

1992

I honestly look forward to the day when I see my Lord. It's sometimes scary to think of this life ending because I know all of the things I didn't do right, you know? But it is so freeing, so wonderful to know that God has already forgiven me things past, present, and future through the blood of Jesus! {thank you, Matt Chandler, for reminding me of that this Sunday...} 

I am fully relying on His grace to see this race to completion, so that I may stand before Him fully complete and redeemed and made new.

Every wrinkle I earn, every new morning I wake up a little older- means I'm one day closer to seeing my Savior. Aging means I get to {hopefully} care less and less about the things of this world and myself, and become more like Him. And that is truly exciting.

Like C.S. Lewis said, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." 

Turning 31 just means I'm that much closer to the finish line. :)

source: pinterest

fill me up...

I love, love, love fall. This coming season will be different with five little ones and homeschooling. It feels like there are important, God-given priorities that I have no doubt I'm supposed to be doing, but I don't want to get so lost in doing them {even good things} that I forget the Source of life in the first place. I don't want to start going my own way. I don't want to seek after stupid things like pleasing myself on this earth in the very few years I get to live.

If there's a theme song- a prayer on my heart- for this fall, I long for it to be this:



Fill me up God...

Jesus, empty me of me- make me forget myself- my insecurities, my own desires, the things I love more than you, and fill me up with YOU, Father. Jesus, I want you. Nothing else is worth my life. Fill me up with your Spirit. Become my joy, my passion, my only reason for living, Jesus. Your name is written on my heart- in the depths of my soul, and I have nothing else to cling to but you in this world. Make me overflow with your Spirit, to reflect your glory and your love, not my own. We praise you for this day, Lord, for it is yours, and yours alone. Thank you for giving us life- may it be for you, Lord Jesus.

Do you have a theme song or big prayer for fall?

on being an unfaithful bride {how trials reveal your true affections}

If an overdue pregnancy does anything, it pushes you out of your comfort zone.

Come to think of it, trials of any and every kind seem to take away your comfort in some kind of way.

Losing what you had- what you loved- often seems to take you to places you don't want to go.

40 weeks, 2 days, just waiting for baby #5

For me, this pregnancy has pushed me to places like that. And part of me questions God, and asks, "why are you doing this to me- if it's your will for me, why do I feel like this?"

But I think the other part of me already knows the answer.

God is peeling back layer after layer of my comfort to reveal Himself to me.

Each layer removed seems to become more and more uncomfortable- but after removing it, I see that each little layer was actually covering up a layer of sin in my heart too.

And I see that my sinful flesh goes so very deep.

My Lord redeemed me from the very beginning, knowing exactly how full of sin I was. But even knowing my deep unfaithfulness, He bought me at a great price and took me and made me His bride. My heart had served other gods- whatever it took to make me happy, but He still loved me and made me His own, and gave me a new heart to love Him.

And He is still making me a new creation.

That's how He's using my discomfort, I think- He is peeling back layer after layer and showing me my heart- how I still chase after other gods. 

And that's where I've seen Him work so much in the last 9 months. When I suffer, I've started to see that's when my heart begins to chase other things. When what I love gets taken away- I see how I chase after things that make me happy to make things feel right again, you know?

It reminds me so much of the story of Hosea's wife. 

God told Hosea to go find a prostitute and make her his wife: 2When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the LORD. {hosea 1:2}

God does this to make an example of their marriage to Israel, who has forsaken the Lord, their true husband, and chased after other gods. Apparently, Hosea's real-life wife Gomer does the same- she first leaves behind her old life to marry the prophet, bears Hosea children, and then she returns back to a life of prostitution seeking after what she had in the past, just like Israel did to God Himself. {read about it here}

For so long I read this story and was horrified at how easily this girl returned to her old life- I just couldn't understand why she'd give up her new identity to go back to the old shameful one. It didn't make sense to me.

But then I realized- that's me.

So often I find myself seeking after fulfillment in my old identity, and going back to serving other gods like Gomer. I turn back to my old ways of seeking after empty pursuits, wanting the rewards and comforts of the old life instead of finding my identity in Christ.

When my ability to do what I used to love is taken away, how much do I seek to fill the gap myself? How often do I return to seeking after my old gods to fulfill me?

That's what I'm finding out as God peels back layer after layer of my comfort.

When I'm pressed- when the familiar gets taken away, I'm finding over and over that I try to solve my "problem" by serving the gods of doing more, having more, being more- instead of seeking after the one true God- the one who redeemed me from that very same awful sin in the beginning.

I'm Gomer, returning to my old way of life to find fulfillment again.

And I'm not being faithful to my God when I look back. When my comfort gets taken away, and I try to solve my own problems to find peace and joy again, I'm not looking to Jesus for salvation- I'm looking at myself. And here's the worst part- in looking to solve my own problems or discomfort, I don't find the peace and joy anyway, because it can't and never will be found there!

Nothing ever satisfies my heart like He does. And living a comfortable life is such an easy way to hide the fact that I'm not looking to Him for satisfaction. I can tell because when He starts to strip away all my comfort and my abilities and their luxuries, I frantically start to try to put things back the way they were by finding ways to "fix" the problem instead of relying on Him to lead me through.

Does that make sense at all?

That's why as much as I hate this time of waiting- of pressing- of discomfort, at the same time I can see God using it to reveal my sinful weakness and His strength.

It's like suffering reveals my true affections the most. 

Where does my hope truly lie? When things get taken away, how much do I still trust Him? That's what I'm starting to find out right now. 

Oh, it's so very tempting to be discouraged at how bad I am at this, honestly. I'm seeing the true me, and it stinks. But I can't feel defeated, because the best news of all time is that He knows what I will do- even when I turn back and fail Him, He brings me back to Himself again!! 

14 “Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
15 And there I will give her her vineyards
and make the Valley of Achor^e a door of hope.
And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt. 

16“And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer will you call me ‘My Baal.’ 17For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more. 18And I will make for them a covenant on that day with the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish^f the bow, the sword, and war from the land, and I will make you lie down in safety. 19And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. 20I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD. {hosea 2:14-20}

Like Hosea bought back Gomer after she left him, my God knows my weakness and still brings me back into His arms again!

Isn't that the most incredible thing?? I just don't understand it!

Our God still loves us, even though we don't deserve it. Even when we leave Him, and our hearts seek fulfillment elsewhere, He convicts us and brings us back into fellowship with Him!!! Even when we're uncomfortable, He doesn't forsake us. Even when I cry because another hard day is ahead, He still loves me and gives me strength.

Oh, what mercy!!!!

We don't deserve it in the least- and we never ever did in the first place! Oh, how our Lord is full of mercy and love!!

I want to serve Him, even in this waiting- this time of pressing. It's so hard when I see how much I fail Him. I hate being uncomfortable- and seeing how much I look away from Him to find joy, but I know He's revealing it with a purpose in mind. I know I can trust Him even in the discipline He gives me.

He is good, all the time.

oh, how I love this- found on pinterest here

Oh Jesus, please help me to look to you and you alone all the time. Not just when I'm comfortable, but when I'm uncomfortable too. Please help me to find strength in your joy- not in empty pursuits of more stuff or more lists, or in anything else. You are my strength and my portion, and I'm so thankful that your mercy is new every morning, because I know I fail you every day. Thank you for redeeming me and calling me your Bride- what a precious gift it is to be known by you, Lord. I want to love you with my whole life- every single part. Please give me faith to trust in your plans, no matter how I feel, Lord. I love you and praise you Jesus. Thank you for giving me new life, and a new heart that sees you.

death, and the anticipation of our wedding day

Oh friends, our Lord has done amazing things.

My Uncle Charles passed away this weekend- he was 68, and such an amazing man of God. He truly loved Jesus, and he loved people so very well too. He served Jesus preaching the Gospel as a pastor for many, many years, and with my aunt {who is amazing also!} raised four children who all love Jesus and walk in the truth and serve Him too. He lived life so, so very well. I have no doubt when he got to Heaven, he heard well done, good and faithful servant. He loved God and obeyed Him, and his life showed us what it looked like to follow Jesus.

I heard this song for the first time at church yesterday, and I thought of him right away. I woke up with it and him on my heart this morning, and just had to share it with you. When I listen to this song, I can't help but worship our King. And the tears just won't stop.

Oh, oh, that DAY- our wedding day:

My Uncle Charles got to meet the groom wearing white. He gets to sing HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is the Lord.

What a wonderful, wonderful day it will be when we get to sing along with him!!!

Oh, sweet friends, death has lost its sting. Our God is on the throne, and we will meet Him so very soon.

what can your God not do? {when you feel afraid or alone}

There's nothing like riding miles above the clouds to make you realize just how small and insignificant you really are.

Before you even leave the city you're flying out from, the cars on the road start to look like the tiniest, slowest little ants, and by the time you're at full flying altitude, landmarks become imperceptible- you start to see just the colors and patterns of the land that is underneath you.

Looking out on what the Lord has created like that just feels so incredibly humbling. Something about having your feet on the ground back at home gives you a false sense of security- like you are the big one, and in control of your circumstances, but being up high in the heavens makes you realize you are actually closer to the size of a tiny microbe.

It reminds me of what David wrote in Psalm 8- I couldn't get these verses out of my head as we flew:

1O LORD, our Lord,
  How majestic is Your name in all the earth,
  Who have displayed Your splendor above the heavens!
2From the mouth of infants and nursing babes You have established strength
  Because of Your adversaries,
  To make the enemy and the revengeful cease.

3When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
  The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;
4What is man that You take thought of him,
  And the son of man that You care for him?
5Yet You have made him a little lower than God,
  And You crown him with glory and majesty!
6You make him to rule over the works of Your hands;
  You have put all things under his feet,
7All sheep and oxen,
  And also the beasts of the field,
8The birds of the heavens and the fish of the sea,
  Whatever passes through the paths of the seas.
9O LORD, our Lord,
  How majestic is Your name in all the earth!

He made all of the earth and the sky... the oceans, the moon, the stars... what can our God not do??

And this is even more incredible to me- as we were flying, here's what I read in Psalm 103:

Oh how amazing it is- our Lord is compassionate and gracious- slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness.

But do you see it??

Oh my goodness- as high as the HEAVENS are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him!!!

Do you know that's how deeply He loves? Did you realize that's how much our Father loves you TODAY?

You are His beloved- His child, and nothing can separate you from that love!

And get this- as far as the east is from the west - that's how far He removed our transgressions from us!!

Oh, the depths of His mercy- we cannot even fathom the mercy He has bestowed upon us- the microbes that will vanish in mere decades- He has given His Son for us, so that He could show us His great love and forgiveness. Who are WE to deserve that? 

What an incredible, awesome God we serve. He loves us so much He removed our sin far from us- He didn't deal with us according to our sins, or reward us according to our iniquity!!! We didn't get what we deserved in any way. Oh, what mercy He gives us!!!

This GOD is who we love, the ruler and master of the universe in all it's majesty. Can you do anything but respond with love and trust when you realize who your God is and what He has done for you?

Oh, friend, what can our GOD not do in your life today? I promise you can trust Him!! :)

how far will you go?

{I posted this on the facebook page a few weeks ago and wanted to share it with you guys too!}

are you willing to let go of  your very life? from pinterest

I'm reading the end of Acts, and I am so amazed by Paul's determination. He knew that he would be put in prison and afflicted, and he still went in obedience to God, only to preach the Gospel to Rome after YEARS of being in prison!

Acts 20:22: And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, 23 except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me.

Seriously, would I react in the same way to the Holy Spirit's message? His friends even tried to convince him that it was dangerous, and he was still determined to obey.

I have a feeling it would be so easy to convince myself that I really didn't need to go- or that being imprisoned wouldn't really help spread the Gospel, or my friends knew the truth, etc.

But that's the danger of disobedience- we know the truth in our hearts but can convince ourselves safer is better, when in reality our opinion of "safe" is not what God has in mind for us at all.

Oh, that we could be more like Paul...when nothing matters but obedience to our Lord Jesus and testifying of his name, even to the point of losing our lives:

24 But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

If we follow Him, who knows what He will have in store for us? We might end up preaching the Gospel in places we never imagined being or couldn't get to otherwise...but still "safer" in every respect, because we are doing the will of the Lord. Oh, wouldn't that would be exciting?!!

Where has God taken you that you never expected? 

Have you been comforted by the Holy Spirit when you weren't in a "safe" place? {finances, marriage, jobs?}

Yes!! There have been times that I had no idea what to do in important situations. I felt completely lost and blind about what was going to happen in the future, yet the Holy Spirit gave me the faith to trust in God, no matter what would happen. It was like a switch came on, and the fear went away and was replaced by faith, and I know it was only God who did it.