Women Living Well book study conclusion: what is your driving force?

This post is the final installation of the WLW book study series- you can find all the details and the previous posts in the study here!

Today we end our Women Living Well book study- what a journey we've been on for the last eight weeks! I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have! I am so glad we could walk through it together! I hope to post all of the study guides together in one document for you to print soon if you didn't get to finish, or if you didn't get to go through it with us. :)

Conclusion

What is your driving force? The final chapter's concluding question weighs heavily on my heart.

What is the purpose of all of this?? What is my goal in this life?

I can be a great homemaker, I can serve my family well, and I can even know my Bible and go to church, but without the love of Jesus I have nothing.

I seriously have nothing without Him.

It's so easy to get distracted where we are right now. Things are pretty wonderful. Life is challenging, but fulfilling. But there's so much more than just this, and I want that.

I want to see Jesus. When I see Him for the first time, I want to be weeping with joy because I have longed for this day and am His- not weeping with sorrow for a short life I regret.

There is so much more ahead of us. This is so important: if our hearts aren't set on the Lord, then we are wasting our time here.

I can never be righteous or good enough to deserve salvation. I can't even be a good homemaker without Jesus. My heart is selfish, angry, and impure on its own. Left to myself, I produce nothing good. I am the very opposite of holy.

And if I look to things, or to having a perfect house, or a nicer car, or an easier season to make me better or more happy, I've lost sight of the MAJESTY of my Lord who saved me.

All throughout the Bible, the Scriptures speak of people falling face down before the presence of the Lord.

Our God is so holy, we cannot stand in His presence on our own two feet.

Do you realize this??

Do you see it?

Our lives are like a vapor- merely a breath!! Our time here will be less than a blink in eternity.

Let me ask you this: do you love Jesus? Do you love Him with all of your heart? Do you serve Him?  Do you long to obey Him?

Do you just say you do or do you truly love Him? 

If you believe in Him, if you realize WHO He is- the great I AM, you will understand the weight of this.

God cannot be deceived. You can't tell Him it was all a mistake when you see Him.

Are you living for Him now?

Do you desire Him? Do you desire to be like Him? Do you know Him?

Are you longing for His heart, for more of Him?

These are my questions for you.

If you are following Jesus, I can tell you that He will do amazing work in your heart. It's not about rules; it's not about looking better; it's not about doing more. It's about your heart, the very soul of you- changing from its natural lust for sin and itself to becoming a new creation- one who longs for the presence of God and the love that He has.

Salvation is beyond comprehension. That God sent His Son to die for us while we were still sinners, and took our punishment and defeated death itself so that we could become His children....oh!! It's too much for words.

This is our God, friend. The One who rescues and redeems and heals what is broken- undeserved by all means, because we did this to ourselves. This is the same merciful Lord who will return in all His Glory one day soon to judge the earth. You will come before Him after this life is over, and He will judge every man according to what he has done.

Do you know Him? Do you long to be holy as He is holy?

Do you want to know Him?

Seek after Him with all of your heart. Confess your sin before Him- you can't hide it, and you can't stand before Him apart from the work of Jesus who takes your sin away.

Pray to Him- confess your sins and repent from them- believe in Him, and pray and read His Word to hear His voice. He is faithful- He will not despise a broken and contrite heart! He is so good, and He is far kinder than we could ever imagine and loves us more than we ever deserve. Don't live this life for yourself- our God is more worthy of your life than anything or anyone else. You can know Him and walk with Him personally.

When you are saved and are given His Holy Spirit, He convicts you and encourages you and comforts you in the most incredible way. It's certainly not easy to follow Jesus while we live in flesh- we all constantly struggle and none of us are perfect- but God knows our hearts, and the Holy Spirit produces fruit in us when we follow Him. The more we know Him, the more we long to know Him and to see Him on that last day.

Our end is coming, and soon, and very soon- we will see Him. How will you spend these next hours? Will you seek after Him and let Him rule your life? Will you serve Him and follow His commands to love? Will you follow after Him and what He would have for you, no matter what it may bring or change? How will you live these days you've been given? Will you love Him?

He is so good. Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come!!

Will you "walk with the King?"

women living well book study: ch. 19-20 discussion + new study guide {on media, coveting, and how to be a Proverbs 31 lady}

This post is the part of the WLW book study series- you can find all the details and the previous posts in the study here!

Can you believe we're almost done with our study? What a fun journey it has been to walk through this book with you guys!!  I can't wait to hear how your week went!

Chapter 19- Media and Your Homemaking- Times Have Changed

I am completely amazed at how good we have it these days. Every day I throw my clothes in the washing machine, microwave my food, take hot showers, and can have my coffee ready in hand in less than 30 seconds! And it's only within the last hundred years that these conveniences were even possible! Isn't that crazy to think about?

But much of the "free" time all of these conveniences offer me usually get spent doing and consuming more, and much of that for me is happening online. My other world, if you know what I mean. Do you ever feel like there is an inner pull to be online so that you can keep up with what's happening too?

Again, blogging for me, blurs lines that used to be more black and white because of the need to be present more often. But years ago now {before blogging}, I deactivated my Facebook account and found so much freedom from wanting to know everything that is happening to everyone else. It let me disconnect from that desire to be in on everything by simply limiting my options. Plus I had way {WAY} more time to work on projects around our home. It was wonderful and I encourage you to try it if you're getting that insatiable need-to-know feeling! {And you can always reactivate it later so you have nothing to lose!}

And another factor that blurs the line of just enough and excess is that there is so much to learn online! I feel like I'm doing well by learning how to do all of this stuff!! ;) And much of it is very profitable- in fact, years ago, when Crystal from Money Saving Mom blogged about Dave Ramsey, I decided to read his book, and we became debt-free other than the mortgage in 18 months!! And I've been encouraged by other moms and homemakers and have learned about oil pulling, cooking, and so much more.

But there is a line to cross for sure- and you can become discouraged by seeing how much you're not doing in comparison to others. I have learned over the years that we all have different strengths, and when I am tempted to covet the strengths of others or feel inadequate in comparison, I have to firmly fix my eyes on Jesus. I pray and I tell the Lord that my strength and my hope is only found in Him and that I need Him to help me set my face like a flint on the path that He has set before me, and I ask that He would keep me from looking right or left at what others are doing.

My eyes need to be fixed on Jesus because He is everything to me. When I'm looking to fill up my time seeking more outside of Him, I find I get discouraged because I no longer am remembering the only hope and true joy I have in this life. 

Shopping for bargains, finding crafts to do on Pinterest, searching for the best recipes- those things are great and all, but none of them will last or fill me up. In fact, at the end of my life, I probably won't remember the many hundreds of hours I spent in front of my screen. Does that change the way you see browsing the internet too? It can be a life-sucker if we aren't careful.

I have two choices in what I do with my online life- either my heart is set on serving my Lord in these things, or it is set on serving myself. I don't want to waste the gifts and resources that God has given me for homemaking and for being a light to others, and I don't want to seek fulfillment or lust after what others have either. 

I'm so not good at this, but I know that the Lord can redeem what is broken when I seek after Him. And that's what I hope you might consider too- will you simply ask Him to reveal if and where you're going astray in this area? I am so convicted to pray over my internet time. I want to do well and bring God glory with my time spent online as well as in real life.  I am praying for you this week- would you pray for me too?

I love this quote from the end of the chapter on page 196: 

Jesus Christ said in Luke 9:23, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” I am learning how to live the crucified life one step, one day, one month, one season, one year, one decade at a time. God has used marriage, parenting, and homemaking to show me my ugly sin and to sanctify me. That is the process we all face: sanctification, or becoming more like Christ. On my own, I am feeble at best.

Rejoice in your uniqueness. Have fun being you! Delight in your individuality. 

You are chosen and precious, and the Lord has given you a unique set of gifts, and a unique path on which to walk. Follow Him, and He will lead you in the right way. :)

Chapter 20- Discipline and Diligence: The Proverbs 31 Woman

There is so much to say about that 31st chapter of Proverbs! I love how Courtney broke it down into manageable chunks of real, practical advice for real girls today- it was honest, awesome Titus 2 advice. I really loved the tips on how to discipline yourself to rise early and how to get the eagerness of the Proverbs 31 lady!

I've read this chapter of the Bible and compared myself to this poem of a godly woman and felt inadequate many times in the past, but in the last few years I would say my perspective of it has changed. 

I don't feel overwhelmed when I read it these days because I have realized over the years that these noble characteristics of a godly woman don't come from her own strength. I felt like I was failing in fulfilling them before because I was! My efforts apart from the Lord were and are in vain. I have no hope of ever being good enough, or even better than I currently am without the Lord. No hope. None.

The Lord is my portion, my strength, and my salvation. Like the quote above from the last chapter, I am feeble at best! My adequacy in serving my family comes from the Holy Spirit alone-inspiring me and leading me to love my family and others first, and His love works outward through my hands and feet. When I try to be the Proverbs 31 lady on my own strength, I fail. Big time. I have the exact opposite of every noble character listed on page 198. I have done them wrong all at one time or another, and even now!

I just want to encourage you- the Lord can do this in us!! He can change our hearts from being self-seeking to putting our families and others before ourselves and taking care of their needs as we should. When we love Him, we long for Him to change us and to make us more like Him. And He does!! 

He can make us all into that Proverbs 31 lady who gives, and works, and loves so well. 

Do you want to bring God glory in working with your hands, in buying for your family, in rising early to put Him first, and bringing in a harvest of good works? Seek Him. With all of your heart. Love Him, seek His strength to do these hard tasks, seek to bring Him glory, and His love will shine through you into everything you do. The Lord will answer, and He will do it for His glory and your good! :)

It's kind of weird, but that Proverbs 31 lady actually makes me smile now. I like her so much more now that I realize the Lord gave her that strength! :) I pray we can become what the Lord wants us to be as wives, homemakers, and mamas. What a gift we have been given to live this life and know Him!  Our God can do such great and wonderful things.

Oh, friends- may we seek Him in every part of our lives. 

Father God, we come before you completely and fully inadequate. We know we fall so very short of your holiness and your glory, and we trust in You for redemption through the work of your Son on the cross. We praise you for your goodness to us and for your GREAT love. Thank you for saving us, Jesus. We ask in your name that you would allow us to do your will- that you would allow us to bring you glory in our time spent here. We pray that you will change our hearts to be what you would want us to be, and especially in our homes where so few see us. Please help us be the women you want us to be Father. We love you and believe you can do great things in us through your Spirit and we ask for your strength this week as we live our lives for you.

Let's discuss this week's reading, shall we? :D I would love to hear your thoughts!! 

How do you monitor your internet intake?

How do you feel media/the internet affects your homemaking? Does it help you or hinder you more?

What were your favorite parts of Proverbs 31? 

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women living well book study: ch. 16-18 discussion + new study guide {on homemaking, and imperfection}

This post is the part of the WLW book study series- you can find all the details and the previous posts in the study here!

Let's jump right in to this week's discussion, shall we?

Chapter 16: Juggling Homemaking, Ministry, and Work

I loved hearing Courtney's story, didn't you? It's always fun to learn how others have walked before you knew them! I was married at 19 1/2, graduated from college at 20, worked full-time for a few months, and then we had our first baby 3 days after I turned 21. I went from college girl to career-girl to stay-at-home mama in 5 months!

Staying home was hard at first! I was used to life at high speed, and then, suddenly, I was a full-time mama working part-time one day a week. The early days were sweet though- we never realized how quiet and easy they were until the rest of the kiddos came along! :P

In the next five years we had three more kids. So that meant we had 4 kids 5 and under! It was by far the craziest time of our life, especially when #4 was colicky and needy. We thought we had this parenting thing figured out until she came along! :)

I started teaching at our gym when the youngest was around 6 months, and have been teaching a few hours a week ever since. Then I added in a blog that takes many hours each week, and a newborn later this year... and well, sometimes it gets crazy around here! :)

The more kiddos we have, the more messes we have for sure... but we find the older they get, the more they can participate in the cleaning process! :D The boys are 10 and 8 now, and still need supervision, but they can fold and put away clothes, wash dishes, unload the dishwasher, organize and clean up all of the toys, sweep the floor, and clean their rooms, and the little girls can do the same. They are all good helpers when they're monitored. ;)

free chore cards

We've used chore cards, as well as cleaning zones, and now that the kids are older, the cleaning zone system works better for us. Our house is always a little messy, but since the newest baby came and we all stay home every day, it's messier than it has been in the last couple of years. It's a bit more chaotic, but it's livable for sure. ;)

I have had to let my internal standard of perfection go, especially in the last three months. We pick up the house at night if we have time, and sometimes the dishes stay in the sink for a couple of days. {we can't go longer than that because we run out of room, LOL!}.

Figuring out the new life we have this year has been a challenge for sure- with full-time homeschooling, a new baby, working, blogging, church, meeting with friends, Bible study, birthday parties... it's kind of a one day at a time thing! I know it is a short season though- someday I will have a perfectly clean house, but only because there will be no kids living here. And that will be it's own challenge {one I'm not looking forward to!}.

Chapter 17- Making Your Home a Haven

Okay, so did you feel like you lived in home #1 {distant and distracted} and home #2 {engaged and enjoyable} at the same time? {p. 173- 174}

I think blogging brings a big challenge for me- I feel like I'm on the computer many hours of the day {often too many}, and yet I'm supposed to be there too. It's a hard, weird place to be for a mama. It works, and I love that I'm with the kids almost all day long, yet there are things I know I'm missing because I'm distracted by the computer or my phone.

With the last few weeks of being sick and having a new baby who wakes often, my head feels like it's spinning from being exhausted and pulled in so many directions, so I've been forced to take a step back from working so much at night after dinner.

It's been so good to step back a little, rest, and read books more after a long day of homeschooling, blogging, cleaning, cooking, and exercising. And this week, I've been surprised at how often my patience lasted and I could speak softly! It could only be the Lord giving me the strength because I've not felt great physically! I love the tips on using peace-filled words on page 177.

We put on the music at dinner time and usually clean up together, and then the kids play games at night before bedtime. We have a family night every week where we watch a survival show and eat pizza on the floor {it's the only time food is ever allowed in the living room, so it's extra special, :P}.

Chapter 18- Routines that Bring Rest

Do you have a routine in place at your house? We have before, and we have an unofficial one now for sure, but we generally are fairly unstructured with so many little variables running around. ;) I like to make plans, but hold them loosely for sure. We never know when someone might be sick or break an arm, or our dinner plans may change. :) Since my husband mostly works from home, we are almost always together as a family, and that makes life sweeter than ever.

Like I mentioned before, I've found that Sunday morning preparation {p. 189} is essential when you have to get out the door for church. I've been failing miserably at it for the last 7 weeks or so, and we've been winging it almost every Sunday morning {which makes us late!}. But the days I'm organized are so much better for my attitude, even when we still don't get to church on time. I know preparing beforehand really does and has worked for us in the past. ;)



So I have to tell you- all of these little homemaking/mama/wife imperfections I know I have tend to add up in my mind, but somehow God has been good to not let me dwell on how many things I'm not doing as well in this season. Grace is there, undeserved, and I am thankful for it.

I remember how much more efficiently I did things before we added #5 to the mix, but that ease pales in comparison to the joy that little man brings our family. Who needs empty laundry baskets every day? There will be a day for that, soon enough. Right now I'm enjoying lots of baby snuggling and that perfect gummy grin. :) Oh, what a blessing he is to all of us!

Expecting chaos, trying to plan for it, not making plans sometimes, having more messes, relaxing when we can, being late every now and then: that's life with 5 kiddos for us, and I'm okay with it {most of the time!}. It's not perfect- and it's not easy, either- but it's wonderful. We all have so much fun together. It's a precious time in our lives, and I love it. I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Right now, like Joy said so well here, I've found that peace in my home starts with my heart. My contentment with the state of things in my home and with my children makes such a difference in how I act and react to my family, and how they act toward each other.

I do get lost in the piles sometimes, but my purpose here has to be the same, no matter my circumstances or how messy or clean things can get. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

I want to glorify Him with the things I'm good at, and the things I'm not doing well at right now too. Excellence is great, but our weaknesses are where Christ shows His power because we are humbled and need Him the most! :)

And being a homemaker, wife, and mama is sanctifying in so many ways, but thankfully God never forsakes us. And you know what? Our homes could be perfectly run, but without the love of Christ, it is empty work. He brings the glory and the calling and ability to love our families through His power- not our own! And you can believe He can and will work in and through our imperfections. I am! :)

Isn't that incredible? :D And the best news ever?

It's not about us. It was never about us.

It's always about Him.  :)

Thank you Jesus, for giving us the chance to stand before you. Thank you that we do not have to do that work that we could never do. Thank you for calling us before we were born to be yours. We praise you for this job that you've given us to do- please give us the strength to look above the tasks to set our minds on things above, and to serve you with all of our hearts in whatever we do. We love and praise you, Father- you are so good to us, and we are so thankful.

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Questions for discussion- I'd love to hear your thoughts!!! {feel free to answer others as well!}

What kind of homemaking season would you say you are in right now? Difficult, easy? {little ones around, bigger ones, grown kids, etc.?} What do you feel good at and struggle with at home?

How do/did you include your family in your everyday chores?

Does your family have a time set aside as time together like family night too?

download next week's study guide here

alternate link to Google Docs

women living well book study: ch.13-15 discussion {on parenting mess-ups, the schooling decision + more} + study guide

This post is the part of the WLW book study series- you can find all the details and the previous posts in the study here!

Oh friends, parenting is one of the things I feel least qualified in. I see mostly where I mess up in this area. It's incredibly hard to be a mama. It really is, but I'm so thankful God "doesn't call the qualified, but He qualifies the called!" I'm thankful that my God is bigger than my mistakes and sins, and that He forgives me when I fail {every day!}. You know what I mean? :)

Chapter 13: Motherhood Mess-ups

I was so encouraged by this chapter. My 10 years of parenting has been full of mess-ups, so I was glad to know I'm not alone! ;) I've had moments when I just wanted to give up completely, to throw up my hands and stop trying altogether.

I remember when I first had Elijah- it was like my entire world shifted and I was the only one going through it. I was the first of all my friends to have a baby, and when I graduated, married, got a job, moved out of the city, and had a baby in a year {at barely 21}, I found myself going from a whirlwind of activity and people to suddenly completely alone at home with a tiny infant all day long. It was such a lonely time of my life.

I didn't regret the choices we'd made, but I was surprised at how different my life became. I could no longer just hop out at a gas station or go into a store without carrying a load of stuff and a stroller. 30-minute feedings and multiple clothing and diaper changes had to happen before I could even attempt to leave the house. :)

But looking back, though it felt so very long {the days felt like forever!}, that season of just babies was actually so short! It wasn't long before I found out I was pregnant for the second time, and things changed in our house all over again. Soon I found myself with two little toddler boys who loved to tag team and destroy everything in sight! ;)

oh, they were so little!! I can't believe I couldn't see it then like I do now.

Like Courtney mentions on page 136- the best thing was that as my boys were growing up, so was I! All those tantrums in the store and that time I had to chase Elijah around a friend's yard because he wouldn't obey when it was time to leave... those times were sanctifying and humbling, and made me realize that I could never be a perfect mom. All those great ideas I had B.P. {before parenting} of how I would never make separate foods for picky children, or how I didn't want my kids to ever play video games... they all kind of flew out the door over the years when I had real children living in my home. :)

Somehow, though, the Lord has been merciful to me and allowed me to grow in His grace. I'm so, so, soooo far from being a perfect mom, but over the years the Lord has gently nudged me and I yell less and love more than I did when I started, and most of the kids are growing up and out of their tantrums too. :P

Growing older always seems so sad, but it's really not- it's a wonderful thing to see how far your children have come, and how far you've come yourself too. It always seems like we aren't making progress, until we look back and see {thanks to our Father alone} that we've come a long way! And it gets better and better. :)

I think this was my very favorite quote from the chapter:

Training takes so long though, doesn't it? It seems to me like character training and potty training have a lot in common: they have to be the right age to understand, it doesn't usually happen overnight, and there are a whole lot of mess-ups. I can't just tell my kiddo how to go to the bathroom and expect them to know what to do. I have to teach them, and then train them how to do it over a period of time.

Both kinds of training may bring a few hard days, but they both are necessary, and their rewards are lasting and so worth it. :)

Chapter 14: I'm Gonna Blow My Top

Talk about a chapter every mama can relate to!

Oh, man. I know I have lost my cool a hundred more times than I could ever remember. I am ashamed at how I've yelled and lost it so many times. I wish I could say I have it all together and am entirely patient now but it would be such a lie. By God's grace, I've been forgiven, and it's gotten better, but I know I still have a long way to go.

I'd say over the last 10 years, unnecessary messes and setbacks have triggered mommy meltdowns for me the most. Oh, I remember getting so mad when the boys {3 and 2 at the time} ripped all of their wall paper border off the walls in tiny pieces. It left a huge mess on the wall and wasted so much money and time, and now I laugh at the story, but oh, that DAY. I was not a happy mama! ;)

I am so thankful that the Lord forgives me, and the Holy Spirit convicts and reminds me when I've sinned against my family. It's only in the last year or so that I've even been able to really notice and apologize to my children for losing my cool. The Lord keeps working on me, and I'm so thankful.

I found keeping calm is so much harder for me when I'm exhausted, and outright disobedience and ugliness often triggers anger in me too. Right now, Sunday mornings are one of the hardest days ever, and ironically, right before we go to church is the time I lose it the most often. The mornings I get up earlier, pray for peace and the Lord's help, have all of the clothes ironed, breakfast ready, and have the children bathed already are the good mornings! Why don't I remember that every week? Unfortunately, I like to postpone the work all too often.

When I'm more organized, I don't need the children to do as much on their own in a short time, and that helps me be a better {less irritable} mama. I was encouraged by this chapter to spend more time in reducing those kinds of triggers. Realizing my part in it is so helpful, and I am thankful for that conviction this week.

Chapter 15: Schools of Thought, Schools of Choice

The big schooling decision is a hard one to make. It has been for us, anyway. I loved how she starts out with this quote from the chapter:

"There is no cookie-cutter approach to schooling, because each parent and child and family is knit together uniquely with a unique set of challenges and skills." {p.151}

That has been very true for us! So much changes between each year!

Some years we have done full-time homeschooling, and two years we've done part-time school and homeschool combined. I don't think there is just one way that works for everyone. Really, we are blessed to have so many options for our children, aren't we?

Thanks to the many sacrifices of my parents, I went to Christian school for 10 years, and the other 3 were homeschooling years. I loved going to school, and still do. :) My brother and I learned so much of the Word of God in those years!

This is crazy: in my 8th grade year, my teacher had us memorize over 250 verses of Scripture, and in two years, we could quote 500 verses aloud continuously! {I have no idea how we did that now! My memory is foggy these days... :)} Every subject was taught in light of God's Word, and we had teachers who really loved us and prayed and poured into our lives. And I still remember many of those verses!

When Rob and I had children, we really wanted them to be raised in the same kind of environment I was blessed to have- one where their love of Jesus would be encouraged and sought after every day. We also wanted them to be close to us for the majority of every day, so we've done private Christian school and homeschooling both since they've started, and have really enjoyed both. This year, we originally thought we would do the part-time school again, but the Lord led us to do something different, and though we miss their little school, homeschooling full-time again has been so good for us.

Homeschooling is hard, but regular school is hard too. This is just my observation, but it seems like no matter which option you choose- most days your children will spend time working on school work at home, so homeschooling is something we all do at some point! :) Every family is different though, and I love how the Lord leads us in different ways!

And Courtney's chapter closing was so good:

Regardless of which school choice we make, our job as parents is to teach our children to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27).  

What are the most important things when it comes to their education? Teaching them to love God and love people. So true!

Thank you God, that you lead us and teach us how to teach these little ones, because I'm not worthy to do it! I prove over and over that I am a sinner in need of a Savior, and I need your help to lead these little ones to you. I pray that we can seek after you with all of our hearts, and that your Spirit will lead us as we go about our day so that we can shine the light of the Gospel into the hearts of our little ones. Please help us in the name of Jesus, for your glory. We love you, Father. Thank you for loving us.

download next week's study guide here

{alternate link to Google Docs here}

Let's discuss! :D

What were your thoughts on these parenting chapters?

Do you ever feel like parenting is too hard too?
{I think it is supposed to be, because it makes us turn to the Lord for help! We can only do it through His strength!}

What has been your most challenging season as a mother? 

Women Living Well book study: Chapters 10-12 discussion + new study guide

This post is the part of the WLW book study series- you can find all the details and the previous posts in the study here!

Chapter 10- The Completing Him Marriage Challenge Week 2

Okay, so I've really enjoyed these marriage challenges over the last two weeks! I was terrible at doing them in order {and did some of them on the same days}, but I think they were still a success. Some challenges were easier- instead of cooking his favorite meal, we went to Chuy's and got most of his favorites in one place {he said those were his favorites- and I was all in!}. And on Thursday he requested a dessert {something he never, ever does}, and it made me incredibly happy to make brownies for him.

Rob's love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I'm usually pretty good with the touch one I think, but the words of affirmation are always so much harder to give. Why is that?? I do it every now and then, but I'm trying to become more consistent in doing it more often.

I thought about this quote a lot this week:

source

It's so crazy how well you remember kind words, isn't it? What love it is to tell someone affirming words from your heart! Even if it isn't their love language, it means so much. And if it is- even better!

And the respect challenge- that was interesting! :) I asked him what made him feel disrespected and he said, he feels disrespected by me offering to drive {I never, ever drive when we're together!}, opening my own door, or me trying to mow the lawn {I've only done that once, ever, and it was not with his approval- it was a surprise and I almost couldn't start the mower!}. I asked him about a few of my own ideas- things I think would make him feel disrespected, and he agreed with me- many of them were on page 107!

As far as respecting him goes: I think thanking him often for what he does, asking for his opinion, and giving those words of affirmation really seems to be important in our marriage.

I feel extremely blessed to have such a wonderful husband and a sweet marriage with him- and this challenge really brought us closer than we were before. I was so happy with it!! :)

Chapter 11- The Influence of a Mother

This entire chapter on the influence of mothers reminded me so much of this quote:

Oh how I long for my children to walk in the truth! And to think of the great responsibility it is to lead them, train them, and teach them seems overwhelming to me. I know I can't do it on my own, and that no good would come from me if I tried! I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit changes hearts and lives through the power of what Jesus did on the cross. I am so grateful for the Helper that teaches me what I need to know and gives me guidance to do this VERY hard parenting thing!

I'm praying more that I will show servant leadership to my family. I want them to remember a mama who didn't complain, who listened, who loved with all of her heart. I want to show them what it is like to be like Jesus- to turn the other cheek- to do more than is asked of me- to lay down my life and wants for others.

It's seems like a hard balance to be a mother who is training little people and teaching them to care for themselves and a servant to them at the same time, but I know the Lord will lead me the right way when I seek Him so that I can decide in a moment how to lead them the best way.


Chapter 12- Parenting in the Digital Age

This was a short chapter- but there's so much to talk about here! We live in a media saturated world, and it's so strange to think that our children are being raised in it.

In our home, what we watch is a huge deal to us. Strangely enough, while we started out on a very different path {watching everything}, from the very beginning we have been very strict on what our children watch. We have even learned over the years {by trial and error!} that very clean cartoons on PBS can have very bad attitudes that are easily mimicked by even the smallest of our children.

I don't talk about this much because I know every family is different, and what we do in our own family should be up to the Spirit's leading, not a set of rules made by man. I can only say what the Lord has worked on in our hearts about these matters, and tell you the fruit that it has produced in our lives.

We only have children 10 and under right now, but we have found that video games and movies greatly affect the way our children behave. We have had seasons where we allowed them to spend a few hours a day in front of a screen watching cartoons and playing video games, and within a few days we saw so much more disobedience and whining, as well as a huge increase in bad attitudes and fighting between the children.

When those things happen, we suddenly realize we've let TV slip in way too much, and we turn it off altogether. And it even happens when they just get too much time in front of a screen- like playing non-violent wii games such as Mario. It's crazy, but it has happened over and over again before we realized why. Limiting the quantity of their intake has become very important to us over the years.

I've found it's really the hardest to monitor the quality of their media intake when the children are out of my care: when we're at the gym, the homes of others, and even sometimes when we go out to eat at a restaurant {together!}. I struggle with this so much, because it's very important to me, and I can't always control what they see when they are in the care of other people, even when I try my hardest to communicate what they aren't allowed to watch.

Even just watching innocent shows on cable TV can show them a wide range of awful commercials. :( I just really want to keep their minds pure and holy- because Courtney is so right- "your eyes take in images that your mind cannot erase." {p. 134}. You can't take them back. Ever. I know I can remember so many things I wish I'd never seen in my 31 years.

This is where we've really tried to communicate to our kids what they are and aren't allowed to watch anywhere and why. We do have rules, but it's not about rules- it's about keeping our hearts and minds pure before God. I can't stress that enough to them or to myself {or to you :)}. I don't want to fill my heart and mind with evil things, and I don't want to let my children do that either, you know?

It's so hard, but so important to me- and I know it was a work of the Holy Spirit on my behalf that He rescued me from watching more and more and more evil {and loving it}. I am comforted and encouraged by this verse in Proverbs 8:13: "The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate." And it's good for me to remember why: "For you are not a God who delights in wickedness; evil may not dwell with you." Psalms 5:4. 

Evil does not bring delight to God or dwell with Him. Isn't that so heavy? Oh, it hits my heart so strongly! This is serious business.

I want to fear the Lord more than anything or anyone else- I don't want to love or enjoy watching things God says He hates. What do I profit by doing it? When is it really ever worth it to expose my eyes and my mind to wickedness? How many degrees of pretend wickedness is "okay"? I'm so not perfect here- not by any means- but I long with all my heart to be what God wants me to be.

My heart also longs for my children to walk in the truth- to be even more ahead in their walk with God than I was and not make the same mistakes I did.  I pray for them to be able to discern what is good and right and pure on their own through the Holy Spirit, and that they would not love evil, or watching it- now and even more so the older they get. It is a dangerous place for them to go. I've been there and I know.

I know He will guide us- if we ask Him, He will show us what is good to watch, or what is not. He definitely does not leave us alone in this!

I was really encouraged by the closing of this chapter- maybe you were too?

Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” The child who is loved and has a healthy fear of God will eventually be able to monitor his or her own media. A child who daily is in God’s Word and desires to please Him will be sensitive to the junk that media offers and will practice self-control. So we must parent toward this goal: to raise children who love and fear God and who walk with the King! {p. 130}

Oh, that we may walk with the King in every area of our lives and teach our little ones how to do the same. It is possible, with the help of our Lord. He can do it in us!! Isn't that so very exciting? :D

So tell me- what did you think about these 3 chapters? What really stood out to you?

How do you communicate media guidelines to your children? What has worked for your family?

And please share how your challenge went this week! I'd love to hear!

download next week's study guide here

{alternate link to Google Docs here}

Women Living Well book study: Chapters 7-9 discussion + new study guide

This post is the part of the WLW book study series- you can find all the details and the previous posts in the study here!

So how was your week doing the marriage challenge? Did you have fun? Was it harder or easier than you expected? I can't wait to hear!!

I have to tell you- it's so much fun doing this study with you all!! I've enjoyed hearing how things are changing in your homes! What a testimony of God at work! Yay!! :D

Let's go straight into it, shall we? Then we can discuss it in the comments below! :D

Chapter 7: Marriage in the Age of Media

Technology has changed the environment of a home in so many ways! It's so strange to realize that 25 years ago, our lives were much different than they are now! The internet and instant connection brings us so many good things, yet it can affect our lives so negatively too.

How much time do we spend staring at a screen rather than engaging with each other? I know this was big for me, as my husband and I both spend lots of time on the computer. We hardly ever watch TV shows or movies, and much of our "free time" after the kids go to bed is spent together with each of us in front of our computers.

I thought it was interesting that Courtney deleted her male friends from her Facebook page {p. 72}.  I'd never considered doing that before, but turning the situation around made all the difference in my mind: I wouldn't really appreciate my husband having female friends I don't know on his Facebook page. Isn't it weird how putting yourself in their shoes changes it so much? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you... the Bible really does answer so many questions! :)

I think it's probably different for every couple, but setting your own limits for these kinds of online interactions sounds like such a wise thing to do. Your marriage is always worth protecting, and avoiding possible temptations is so important for both sides!

And the same is true for movies and TV, isn't it? What we are watching really does change the way we view our husbands. For example, do we start to mock our own husbands because of the funny fictional characters we see on TV mocking their husbands? {ouch, right?! It's not really very funny in real life.}

As for taking care of our marriages- I love how she gives practical steps to "water" your marriage on page 75. My favorite one was smiling at your husband! It's free, fun for you, and brings your husband joy. It is sad that I have to remind myself to do this, but I get so focused on doing whatever I'm doing that I forget to smile at all, even when I am really happy. I need to smile more! :D

I think in our marriage, spending most of our time together has been huge for us. We really and truly love to be together all the time. Rob is my best friend, and the person I want to spend my free time with every single day. I know I'm probably kind of strange here, but it's hard for me to go places without him. I miss my husband when we're apart.

I thought it was so helpful to have today's situations addressed through a godly woman's view! It seems that guarding our marriages from negative influences while pouring in the good things like quality time and giving our spouse priority can strengthen our marriages. What do you think?


Chapter 8-Banishing Bitterness to Find Happily Ever After

Oh, the cranky, critical wife. I've been her so many times I can't even count.

I've noticed that my cranky criticalness is almost always triggered by three things:

1. I'm tired. Though it's occasionally related to external sources {newborns and deadlines}, most of the time I'm tired because I haven't made sleep a priority, and I stayed up too late because I wanted to. It's really completely unfair to be a cranky wife {and mom} because I chose to surf the internet instead of sleep.

2. I'm hungry. {also known as Hangry...} Again, this is almost always in my control- there's no reason I should let myself get so hungry that I turn into a beast to my family. But if I don't eat enough, that's what happens.

3. I'm not feeling well. {pregnancy, PMS, colds, etc.} Sometimes I really don't feel very physically well, but that's not a good reason to criticize the person who vowed to stay with you in sickness and in health.

Those three aren't what cause me to be ugly to my husband- I do that all on my own. ;) It's definitely a heart issue {p. 82}. But they are situations that make it harder for me to control my tongue, and I do much better when I am aware of them. Does that makes sense? I mess up here all the time, and I'm kind of amazed my husband still loves me anyway. {thank you, Jesus!}

Mostly, though, I find my critical crankiness comes from not getting my way. Also known as ugly pride. Eww. It sounds awful because it is awful. Unleashing critical words to my husband when he doesn't agree with me is just sinful.

Courtney is spot on here- many of our disagreements are because of selfish expectations, and not getting what we want! {p. 84} I loved this quote on page 84:

Disagreements are inevitable in marriage. The key to overcoming the inevitable and maintaining emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy is to be mature enough to recognize the areas where we were at fault and apologize. 

I think being able to apologize is one of the hardest, yet one of the most healing, wonderful things we can do in our marriage. I really feel like the Holy Spirit has been working on me in this department. I remember when we first started out together, I could not bring myself to apologize at all. It was never more my fault than his. Slowly God has worked on me in this area, though, and He has shown me my faults in our disagreements too. I still have such a long way to go but I'm so thankful that he is showing when I'm wrong.

In the same way, any forgiveness has to be inspired by the Holy Spirit- only through Him can we forgive our husbands like we've been forgiven by God. If you are struggling with forgiving, like Courtney says, "go to the foot of the cross and lay down all that pain and all that sorrow and exchange it for the grace and mercy that God gives. Give your husband forgiveness, the same forgiveness you experienced at the cross." {p. 89}

I thought the section on husband's leading was fantastic. Remember: even if you don't think your husband is leading your home, "the reality is that your husband is always leading." {p. 86} Realizing that our own husband's walk might look different from ours is so helpful in respecting how he leads us! {p. 87}. Even more comforting is the realization that God gave us these men to lead us in the way He designed them to! We are not their spiritual leader- God is! :) And your leader was sovereignly chosen by the Lord God Almighty, and you've committed before Him to love and submit to your husband. {No matter if he isn't leading the way you want him to. :)}

I so need to write this quote from Chapter 8 on my hand with a sharpie as a reminder for when I am feeling irritable:

And I thought this quote from Ruth Bell Graham summed up the chapter perfectly:

"A good marriage is the union of two forgivers." {p. 89}

We aren't perfect, and neither are our husbands, right? We are ALL sinners. We will argue, we will seek after our own desires, but through Jesus we can actually die to ourselves and put others {namely, our husbands!} first. :)

Chapter 9- "The Completing Him" Marriage Challenge, Week 1

Oh, this was fun! I ended up combining a couple of the days, but I think the biggest thing that this challenge did for me was that it made me think of my husband more.

Not just about him, but it made me think of how I could help him more- of how I could pray for him, or put his likes first- like getting a drink refill, or wearing his favorite jeans, or smiling at him more. And the list of 10 things I loved about him turned into 20. And you know what he said after he read it? "That was the sweetest email you've ever sent me." And then he saved it in Evernote to read again later. :)

Why haven't I done that before? I need to do this more often! It was so simple, but I realized I don't do it enough! You really can't go wrong loving on your husband more! :)

And the priorities list was interesting- I had so many things, and he categorized my list by groups. At the bottom of my list? Any type of venture that made money. It was my least important priority of all, he said. That surprised me the most. Taking care of the little people, homeschooling, and caring for the house were way more important to him than taking on extra jobs I could think of.

So, now it's your turn! {yay!} How did your marriage challenge go this week? 

And I'd love to hear some of your answers from this week's homework! What were three ways you found to "water" your marriage on a regular basis?

Did anything really resonate with you as you read your chapters this week? What was your favorite section?

Feel free to share your thoughts, and respond to other comments as well! This is a wonderful community of sisters and there is so much knowledge to be shared! I know I'm so thankful for your thoughts! :)

________________________________________________

{download next week's study guide}

{alternate link to Google Docs}

This post is the part of the WLW book study series- you can find all the details and the previous posts in the study here!

Women Living Well book study: all the details

Here are all the details on the Women Living Well Book Study here at Biblical Homemaking! :D

What is it about?
It's a book study of a brand new book written by Courtney Joseph of Women Living Well. It's a great book filled with practical advice on how to find joy in God in everyday life, and how to live out the love of Jesus to your husband and kids in your home.

What do I need to join?
All you need is a copy of the book Women Living Well: Find Your Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids, and Your Home by Courtney Joseph, and a printer if you'd like to print out the study guides {fun side note: all sales of this book through the Amazon affiliate link above will support this Ugandan orphan ministry! yay!}

Cost: FREE, you just need a copy of the book! It's around $12 online. :D

Is it too late to join? 
No, not at all! We started as a group in October, but I'm leaving all of the discussions, study guides, and comments available for you to use whenever you want to join in! You can start in the middle with us, or go back and do it at your own pace. :D

How do I sign up? 
You can enter your email address below to subscribe to the blog so you don't miss a post- you'll receive each post straight to your inbox. {oh, and don't forget to confirm your email address in your inbox!}

subscribe by email to receive daily updates from {bh}
just enter your email address here:

You can also follow along on Facebook if you'd like!

How does this online study work?
I'm posting/leading a weekly discussion each Wednesday through Dec. 11, 2013 here on the blog. All you need to do is leave comments on the current {or old} posts to discuss our weekly questions together!

It's simple to be part of the discussion- you can leave a comment of your own, or comment on someone else's thoughts, and the best thing is that we have no time constraints! I'll be posting each study on Wednesday at 5 a.m. {Lord-willing}, but you can just join in whenever you can. You also don't need to be on Facebook, Twitter, etc. though you are welcome to post over there too!

You can jump in with us where we are in the study whenever you'd like, or you're welcome to wait until the end when all of the study guides will be available.

Where can I find all the study guides?
The study guides are still being posted each week, so you can only download the previous ones right now. The available ones will be listed below in this post as they are added. The finished {bh} study guide will be available mid-December, if you'd rather wait for them all before you begin reading.

Will you do this study again?
I'm not sure what the future holds, but the study guides and all of the discussions will be freely available  here on the blog after we finish the study, and you're welcome to go through it with a group of your own.

More details:
What it's about: Women Living Well: the book study {intro}

Our reading schedule: Women Living Well book study: the reading plan

Here are the previous weekly discussion links and study guides {will be updated each week}:

Women Living Well book study: Week 1: first assignment and study guide

Women Living Well book study:  Week 2: Chapters 1-3 discussion + new study guide

Women Living Well book study: Week 3: Chapters 4-6 discussion + new study guide

Women Living Well book study: Chapters 7-9 discussion + new study guide