a letter to Screwtape from my teenage self

Long, long ago, in the last century {!}, I went to a very small Christian high school and was incredibly fortunate to have one of the best English teachers (on the planet). Looking back on those days, it was such a blessing to have a good teacher who not only believed in Jesus, but pressed us to know Him more by making us read authors like C.S. Lewis before we went out into the world. And, of course, it was also a huge blessing to have parents who sacrificed so much to allow me to be there in the first place. {Thank you mom and dad!}.

As I was sorting through old boxes from the attic this afternoon, I found an interesting entry in my senior English journal- a class assignment in response to reading Screwtape Letters. I had completely forgotten about this letter to Satan's famous {fictitious} henchman, but I am so glad I saved it all these years. I found it quite entertaining to read this from my 17-year-old self! :) And surprisingly {or maybe not?}, 14 years later I find myself still battling with many of the same struggles I did as a teenager.


Dear Screwtape,

I am writing my one and only letter to express my displeasure in your former actions. I have become a first hand witness of your dastardly wiles.

As you encouraged discord between my parents, I became confused and upset. I even wondered if God was still there. And I errantly fell into your plan. You wished me to do exactly what others have previously done, to fall away from God. But that is where you failed, Screwtape. I remained in contact with your Enemy and my Savior, Jesus Christ. And that gave me the advantage. I overcame the doubt and anger and trusted in the infallible will of God.

I grew older, and as hormones attacked, you also attacked. I liked to throw my contumacious fits. You loved it when I slammed doors because my will was not immediately appeased. But toward the latter part of my teenage years, I realized through the convicting power of the Holy Spirit that a rebellious attitude does not please the Father. Only a sweet, humble spirit will be accepted by Him.

Then you found another area of my life in which to parade your antics. And I easily complied to your whispered defenses in listening to unglorifying music. It was probably your easiest battle to win. To this day I struggle with wrong music.

When I began to read my Bible and pray with an open heart, you hurriedly intercepted the petitions with thoughts of the next day's work. And you were not easily deterred. I had to pray to the Lord that He remove your presence. And as He has promised as I resisted you, you were forced to flee.

I wanted to reiterate in this letter, Screwtape, that although you have power (in this life on earth) to affect me, your power is limited by the Father and the shed blood of Christ Jesus. Eventually you will be in a worse condition than I. An eternal position and place in the fiery flames awaits you. I am truly sorry about your future situation, and I rejoice that I will not be there beside you.

But I forgive you, Screwtape. The wiles and temptations you created in my life were used to increase my faith in the Almighty, Omnipotent God.

Your patient,
Mandy



Do you ever find yourself struggling with the same things you did decades before?

Have you seen progress in your Christian walk with the Lord? How would you rate it now? Are you living for Him daily?

be careful whom you follow

Jealousy.

Awe.

Shame.

Inspiration.

Embarrassment.

The flood of emotions hit me all at once.

I found a fun new blog, and I had a lot in common with this girl. I liked her. And she liked what I liked. She was impressive- and did challenging things that were some of my favorite to read about. And as I devoured her posts, my heart started burning with shame that I didn't do something equally as impressive as she had.

I could do that if I worked harder... I thought.

And then BAM... the Holy Spirit interceded and stopped my wicked heart from going further.

Wait. What am I doing? Who is this person? Do they even know Jesus? Are they pursuing Him with all their heart? Should this girl be my role model? Should I fix my eyes on her as an example of what is good and right before the Lord?

No. 

In fact, in a quick scan I could tell she doesn't even claim to know Him. Her passion for what she does is awesome and she did it so well, but it doesn't seem to be coming from a heart pursuing what I want in this life. 

Oh, Lord God what am I doing? How many blogs do I look at with this lustful heart, wishing I could be a little more like that girl? 

Why am I reading things that motivate me to pursue worldly things out of jealousy and covetousness??

I need to be more careful to guard my heart- to closely follow only the lives of those who are imitating God. Though my flesh fights me with everything, my spirit doesn't want to covet the lives of others. In my short time on this earth, I truly want to walk closely with people who are walking in the light of our Holy God. I want to imitate God, not man in the midst of his pursuit of worldly passions. Ephesians 5 tells me:

1Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7Therefore do not become partners with them; 8for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9(for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

15Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Oh, man. I see people in "blogland" doing things so very well, and I love to see their excellence. And sometimes, my flesh wistfully wants to pursue things like they are.

I do believe their content can often be both helpful and useful, but I want to remember that as a believer, I'm not called to pursue being known as a great fashionista, a DIY master, a fitness guru, or a fantastic writer or blogger, or anything else. I'm called to pursue the Lord with everything I have. I want to be careful to see that the people I spend time studying on the internet are the people who are following after Jesus with their whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. Those are the kind of people I want to be my role models. 

Unfortunately, my sinful heart naturally wants to to build up an image of what I want to be instead of what seeking after what my soul truly needs. Solomon was so right in Ecclesiastes 4:

4Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity^a and a striving after wind.

I don't want to strive after the wind.

I want to grow into maturity in Christ through His Word and through studying how others have done it before me. Paul tells us who to follow and who not to follow in Phillipians 3:

17Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. 18For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. 20But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.

Oh, that day we will see our Savior!! My heart is no longer to be set on the things of this earth. Seeing my Savior is something worth pursuing. Living for Him now is what I long for. And to be like Him is what I want the most:

You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

The reality of reading blogs is that we are studying the lives of others- sharing in their lives, and perhaps even subconsciously becoming like them in our own lives. The question is: are these the people we really want to imitate? Are they true believers seeking after the Lord?

Sweet followers of Jesus- we have to remember the partnership we are called to:

14Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15What accord has Christ with Belial?^b Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,

“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.
17Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you,
18and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.”

1Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body^a and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.  2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1

I pray that the Lord will help me cleanse my heart from the impurities I've subjected it to- that He would increase His holiness in my heart and reveal my sin and all the ways I've defiled it {though painful}, and that He would help me walk in the light and to leave behind even my most secret fellowship with darkness. That I would see clearly the path that He has set before me and not swerve to the left or to the right to join in with the crowd.

I need to spend less time reading awesome worldly blogs and more time pursuing His holiness. I want to remember:

"All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify." 1 Corinthians 10:23

Even in blogland, 

I need to be careful whom I follow.

How do you guard your heart against the lust of the eyes when it comes to blogs? 

Do you ever find yourself imitating those you are around the most?

unexpected answers from God: when it's not what we think.

Oh I just wanted to pop and share this Desiring God article with you before the weekend. It was so encouraging to me!! It's about receiving unexpected answers from God:

...we pray for greater faith, love, holiness, wisdom, discernment, experience of God’s grace, boldness, joy in God, and less satisfaction with worldly things. 

Such longings and prayers are sincere and God loves them and loves to answer them. But we do not know ourselves very well, nor the depth or pervasiveness of our sin, nor what it really requires of us in order to receive what we ask for. We can’t help but have unreal, romantic imaginations and expectations about what God’s answers to our prayers will be. 

Therefore, we are often unprepared for the answers we receive from God. His answers frequently do not look at first like answers. They look like problems. They look like trouble. They look like loss, disappointment, affliction, conflict, sorrow, and increased selfishness. They cause deep soul-wrestling and expose sins and doubts and fears. They are not what we expect and we often do not see how they correspond to our prayers.

I'm still surprised by how God answers my prayers! I know He refines in the fire, but somehow I'm always thinking it should be easy if I want to be more like Him. But it's not- it's so sin-revealing, humbling and heart-wrenching, and very painful sometimes!! 

And that's okay- we are being made like Him in our sufferings- He's molding our hearts to rely on Him fully. His ways are higher than my ways- and so, so much BETTER. He knows what He is doing and we can always trust Him- even when the battle gets harder! If you're in a season that's hard right now- take heart- He is was, and is, and is to come. He is Holy, just and the Almighty God. He is worthy of your praise, in all situations. Draw near to Him.

would you be willing to tell your friend they have cancer?

Imagine someone tells you you need chemotherapy. And that this life-saving chemotherapy is going to heal you.

But you have no idea that you have cancer. 

Would you let them give you the IV?

Would you take a medicine with the side effects of losing all your hair, and having extreme nausea, weakness, or possibly even worse symptoms if you had no reason to?

It would make no sense. Maybe you could try it once, but as soon as you felt the first round of effects you'd quit because there was no reason you'd ever endure that kind of suffering for no purpose.

That's what happens when we present the message of salvation without acknowledging our sin and guilt.

A gospel that doesn't show us our sin and sentence is not the whole Gospel.

We cannot neglect the truth of God's Word: we have all sinned. And whoever does not believe is condemned already. John 3:18

None of us our righteous- no, not even one. Romans 3:10

Yet when you go out and meet a stranger and ask them what they think will happen when they die, almost all of them say they will go to Heaven. Everyone thinks that they are good enough to go to Heaven because they are good people.

They have no idea whatsoever that they are sick.

The Great Physician is useless to them, because they have no idea that they have terminal cancer.

If only they knew:

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23

and that:

Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him. John 3:36

If you knew that you were destined to die because of the cancer you brought upon yourself, you would understand that you desperately needed the medicine to live, and you probably wouldn't hesitate to take it. You would be thankful someone told you before it was too late!

The short term effects of the chemo would be worth the end result, and you would be grateful for the chance to be healed, wouldn't you? If you didn't believe you were truly sick, you'd never feel the need to be healed.

Jesus came to heal the sick, not those who are well.

And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:17

He came to bring good news to those who are poor, brokenhearted, and in captivity.

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; {Isaiah 61:1, Luke 4:18}

But please listen- if you don't know you have a need for a Savior, you are lost. 

15 “‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! 16 So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. 17 For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. 

19 Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. 21 The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne. Revelation 3

Realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked on your own is necessary to understanding what your Savior has done for you. You must understand you are naked so that you realize you need clothing!

To pretend that we are something when we are nothing is a fool's game.

For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Galatians 6:3

To avoid telling people they have sinned against God is to lead them straight to Hell. To not tell them of their sin is to not tell them they have cancer and will die.

We cannot neglect to share the whole Gospel. The truth is that you and I both have gravely sinned against God, and His wrath abides on us because we have broken His law. We have lied, stolen, coveted, hated, and set up idols of worship in place of the one true and living God.

And we will stand before Him in judgment. There is no question that we must all give an account to God. {2 Cor. 5:10}

The question is, will Jesus take your place on that day, or will you stand condemned because you didn't believe? He is the way, the truth, and the life, and no man comes unto the Father except by Him. {John 14:6} He stood in our place- He took our punishment, so that we could live. The Father's will was to crush Him so that we could be saved:

Isaiah 53:
10 Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him;
he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt,
he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
11 Out of the anguish of his soul he shall seei and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
make many to be accounted righteous,
and he shall bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many,
and he shall divide the spoil with the strong,
because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors.

Why did Jesus die?

To bear our iniquity. To bear our sin- the righteous one died to make many be accounted righteous!

4Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
5But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53

His crushing was necessary because we sinned against the Holy God.

But praise the LORD, by his wounds we are healed!!! By taking our punishment, He brought us peace with God!!!

Though He was perfect, He willingly laid down His life as the sinners deserved and satisfied the legal requirement of death because of sin. Because of OUR sin. He fulfilled the law, and defeated death itself.

And that is the Good News, my friends!!!

That's what the world needs to know- there is only one way to be saved, and it is through the name of Jesus.

12And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among menc by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12

Do the people in your life know this? Your friends, your co-workers, your family? Do they know they  are sick and wretched because they have sinned against the Holy God, and that they are condemned if they do not repent and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?

That's what we are called to share. And we cannot wait another day to obey the Lord's command:

15And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. Mark 16:15

It is more important that they know the painful truth than they perish without the knowledge they were ever sick.

We must love them more than we love what they think of us. WE must love them enough to tell the truth, and we have faith in the Lord enough to obey His command.

We must share the whole truth with them, so that they too can be saved from the wrath of God.

When I fear to share the whole truth, I have to remember- 

In the end, what they think of me means nothing, but what they think of Christ means EVERYTHING.

He is the Good News of the Gospel.

He alone can heal us.

He alone can save us from the wrath of God we deserve.

it couldn't have been better than this

If there were a way to choose the weather, I would pick this weekend's perfect temperature, lovely slight breeze, and gorgeous blue days. It was the best weather Texas could ever offer. :)

May, I might be in love with you.

We had a very outdoor sort of weekend. We drove around after dinner on Friday evening, and found this gem of a lake just in time for sunset. 

Who knew a pond could be so lovely in the spring? :)

The fish were biting. We need to remember the kids' fishing poles the next time we go because the fish were EVERYWHERE.

 I threw a flower in the water and look what happened:

God's creation is too crazy. The fish know what to do. The birds know what to do. The plants know what to do when the sun comes out. I'm amazed by our Creator.

Even the bunnies came out on the trail to show us His handiwork- this little guy wasn't afraid of us at all: 

I needed this Vitamin D big time:

We went to the park after church and lunch yesterday. We're determined to take in as much of this weather as we can. :D

The kids worked out doing hills and trails. I love their little red faces {which they totally get from their mama. I turn bright red when I'm working hard too! :P}:

While the kids played, I pushed the Zaner:

And blessing upon blessing? Free blackberries on the trail! {my favorite berry, by a landslide}.

And we finished the day with an outdoor dinner at our very favorite place:

I looked at Rob after we ate dinner and we agreed: we didn't know how it could get better than this while we're on this earth. :)

Oh, such joy I felt these last few days! I think the Lord must have known what I needed. I'm always amazed how His word is proven at every turn.

I saw His proverb come true for me this weekend: a joyful heart was good medicine.


How was your weekend? Is your May going well?

If you could choose the perfect weather what would you choose?
Hawaii. :P And if in Texas, this weekend.

getting through the valleys of motherhood

I've sort of mentioned it before {and hinted at it yesterday}, but these last months have been pretty tough for me. I'm ready for homeschooling to be over, but we have a couple more weeks left before we change routines and leave behind the lessons for the summer. Just two more weeks. {we can do this, we can do this.}

I'm so ready for a change. The last few months have been exhausting with the baby {and me} not sleeping much at night. It's been a struggle, and even though you know it's going to end, it's still just kind of a hard season, you know? 

If I can remember, there have been at least three periods of major mothering struggle in my life that really stand out in my mind. The first was when I had two children: 18-month and 3-year-old boys; the second period was when I had four: a 5.5, 4, 2, and 3 month old and started full-time homeschooling for the first time; and then the third time has been these last five months of being a homeschooling mama with a 10, 9, 6, 4, and a baby. 

If there's one thing I've learned with five kiddos, it's that some seasons in motherhood are just rough. You feel like you might not survive it at all. You even wonder how you ever thought you could do it in the first place.

You feel like you must have some kind of a blindfold on, because you surely can't see out of this valley. It feels like it's going to be dark from now on. It's there I'm finding you just have to trust that He knows you, and He knows every one of your weaknesses and failures, and that He still has a good plan for you and your little ones. {Even when you can't seem to be patient enough, get up early enough, keep up with the housework, or get ahead on anything, ever...}

He is there with you in the mess of it all, and you can always trust Him to accomplish what He wills.  Sometimes it's supposed to be tough so that you will learn to trust Him- to keep obeying, to keep following Him even when you're in the thick of it and can't see the end result. You may not know what will happen, but you can always know that God is good. He can be nothing less.

As difficult as it is to go through sometimes, it's right there in the valley that you realize this: while the Lord won't always take away the harder times of motherhood, He will always be there to walk with you through them. 

You will make it through the valley, and you will never be alone.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. Isaiah 40:11

a special weekend away for Mother's Day

How was your Mother's Day weekend? :)

My gift for Mother's Day was a weekend night away with the kids. :) On Saturday, they took me to my favorite shops and they were all on their very best behavior: 

I usually go there just to browse around Anthro's ridiculously beautiful displays, but this time I ended up with a new volcano candle since my birthday one ran out long ago. :) Do you see the sign in this pic? They actually had 15% off for the ladies this weekend! {score!}

They did very well in the store, and we were all ready to go eat dinner after that excursion! :) It's always a challenge to feed our crew when we go out, so when we spotted a Fuddruckers on the way to our little rental, we knew we had to stop. :) 

It turns out, the 15% off my beloved candle was just the beginning of good things. :) We enjoyed lots of freebies this weekend! I loved having breakfast made for us for free with our stay at the suite/apartment/hotel thing- these scrambled eggs were amazing:

Our kids get the biggest kick out of buffets. :) They're pretty much in heaven when they get to pick whatever they want to eat.

The staff there even handed out Mother's Day chocolate at breakfast. :) They know how to speak a mother's language, I tell you. Even Zaner was eating fresh hash browns and loving it:

After breakfast, we were ready to go home {the baby didn't get the memo that mama would like to sleep for Mother's Day}, so we headed out for home, and on the way I had a chance to go here with this:

I haven't had Starbucks in the morning in forever. It was... very pleasant. ;) Like Anthro, I didn't need anything there but it was fun to shop around. {They are like the cheap version of Anthropologie in my mind!} I did find this super cute deep colander that we could use. We also stopped at GW {Goodwill} on the way home and I found a couple of items I hope to tell you about later on this week. :)

We finished out the weekend grocery shopping at Costco, and having a late night dinner using a gift certificate we had to Texas Roadhouse. It was a very full two days of special things. :)

Today, it's back to regular life, and the last couple of weeks of homeschooling are still ahead of us. 

I'm so thankful for a weekend away before we fight through the rest of May homeschooling. ;) It's getting easier and harder all at the same time. {more on that later too- !! :P}

How was your weekend?

a whirlwind week, joy unspeakable + having your cake and eating it too

The weeks are flying by this April! We packed so much activity into just a few days. It was a whirlwind. :) I baked two cakes{?!}. Can you believe it? I can't. It's been so long since I've baked anything. :) 

This one was a sugar-free mix cake for my dad's birthday- we went out for dinner and then came back for cake and presents:

And then we took off for Good Friday and went to the zoo with Abbie's crew. It was a gorgeous day, and before we went in I had to record this sweet memory:

I had a specific photo in mind when I took that one. It wasn't so long ago we went to the zoo and they were this size! :(

Oh my goodness, this was only six years ago:

Babies grow up way too fast. I never really believed all those sweet older ladies who told me they would, but I do now.

Speaking of growing up fast- these little twin cuties are starting to talk and run around:

Two little ones in the stroller, one at home here = still lots of little people all around. :D I think we're so used to our clans, we don't realize how many people do life with us until we see a pic. :D

I still can't believe they're so big. And even more funny- as Abbie said, this was only 60% of our kids! :P We've truly been blessed with babies. :) They are a gift from the Lord.

misformama instagram

After the zoo, we squeezed in a trip to the bread outlet to stock up. We scored this cart plus more full of bread for $35!

The outlet is across the street from the factory, which means we get to try all kinds of breads we've never seen before- like this pull apart bread we were excited to find:

I get excited about new kinds of bread. :) I only eat bread regularly when I'm pregnant or nursing, so I am living it up. :P That one was a little too dense/sweet/processed for my taste, but it was fun to try.

And you know me- I also get very, very enthusiastic {ahem} about new kinds of cake. I made this Tres Leches cake this weekend from scratch, and it was good. It's different- you really have to be willing to try wet cake, but I can honestly say I enjoy anything sweet soaked in condensed milk! Are you kidding me? Yum. The only thing I would change is possibly using cake flour versus all purpose next time. With the liquids, I felt it was a bit too heavy/coarse, even after whipping the egg whites separately.

We brought the cake to my in-laws lovely house for Easter:

And we canoed as the sun set on their lake. :) It was fun.

Nana {Rob's mom} kept little Zaner for us so we could all go together!

And after church on Sunday, my dad bought us lunch out. It was a very good weekend in terms of food and fellowship. :)

We took communion at church yesterday, and for some reason, instead of feeling sobered by it like I normally feel, I was just so happy. Jesus died and rose again for ME! I realized as we were singing yesterday that Jesus said to me, "Mandy, come forth!" And I did. I am alive because of Him!! He called me and brought me out of death and into life. It's too incredible to even understand.

He lives, and because He lives I get to be with Him. Nothing is impossible for the Lord.

It's only Monday, but it's already a good week. :)


How was your Easter weekend?


Did you enjoy good food and fellowship in celebration of what Christ did?


Did you have cake too? :P Do you have a great recipe for Tres Leches I could try?

also, from the archives: 

the day after Easter: 

three practical things the disciples taught us to do after Jesus rose again

this baby had a 79% chance of survival in our country

This little guy is 8 months old.

I'm so thankful for his sweet little smile:

He is greatly loved.

At 8 months, little Zane:

learned to stand and move along his playpen

will work so hard to get something he wants

is getting taller/thinning out from all his MOVING :) {He still weighs about 23.5-24 lbs.}

still nurses mostly

ate and loved avocado, sweet potatoes, bananas, applesauce, oatmeal, kale, and carrots

caught his paci as it fell out of his mouth - he has lightning fast reflexes!

kicked the chair in front of us at church as I was holding him and nearly knocked me down :P

waved "bye-bye" and said "buh buh" with it for the first time {and several times after}

loves to kiss his mama {a.k.a. chew on my jaw}

is getting his first bottom teeth- the earliest of any of my children!

is starting to assume crawling position but hasn't moved yet

slept through the night for the first time

loves to jump in his jumper

is a good, easy baby :)

 There's just nothing like watching a baby grow up and learn new things. It just doesn't get old. :)

I love him so much. I don't know why, but when I hold him and love on him, I can't shake this heavy feeling.

So many babies don't see the light of day. 

Millions of pregnancies happened last year, and 21% of those precious babies were murdered by abortion.

Thinking about that number, Zane could have been placed in a room with four other tiny, innocent babies, and one out of the five of them would have been torn into pieces before he even had the chance to cry.

I don't understand it. It's such a great evil, and it's so powerful- so covered in darkness and deception- it's unfathomable that in our time and day, we kill babies in the womb.

Our people- our neighbors- are committing the most treacherous act humanity has ever seen. 

Is there anything worse than brutally killing innocent people? 

What about the tiniest, most fragile, most incapable of all people?

It's sickness. It's the worst kind of tragedy. And it's happening every single day in our cities.

Why? Why does God not destroy us for this kind of atrocity? Why does He wait? 

He must be so very patient with us- giving us more time to repent. He is not slow as some count slowness:

8But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 9The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you,^a not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 10But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies^b will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed.^{c 2 Peter 3}

His glory will be made evident in the end.

The people of this nation will face a final judgment. The works done on this earth will be exposed. And Christians, we will have to stand before Him for our deeds, good or bad. 

Satan wants us to go about our business, ignoring the fact that people are stumbling to the slaughter every single day. {Proverbs 24:11-12}

Why do we not care more? Why do we not stand out in the sidewalks of these places and beg these women to stop this? Can we not at least pray without ceasing for the lives of the innocent? Are we not responsible for our own lack of action?

Proverbs 24:

11Rescue those who are being taken away to death;

hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.
12If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,”
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it,
and will he not repay man according to his work?

My heart aches, because I know I haven't done this for the least of these. I've been so distracted by my own life that I've forgotten about the lives of those perishing every 30 seconds. It's evil. It's sinful. 

Oh Lord, God, please forgive me!! Please keep this at the forefront of our minds- help me to be willing to give up my own life and comfort for the sake of those precious babies.

abolish human abortion

There are a few on the front lines, trying to hold back those mamas and daddies from killing their own children in person- and sadly, I've seen even other Christians mock them for it-  yet they are doing what no one else will do. 

Perhaps they are holding back even one person from the slaughter house- who are we to say? We are called to love, and yet many claim it is more loving to never say a word, but to show them love in other ways. Loving them with our actions is wonderful and right, and the truth is that abortion is a great deception- and killing innocent life is a sin. It would only be loving to try to stop someone from committing murder with my words and actions both, in love. If it were my own sister or mother or daughter, I would probably physically try to restrain her- why do I not care with that kind of passion for the lost?

How many women who've chosen that route regret it with all their heart? How many wish someone- anyone- would have stopped them, even if it hurt them to hear the truth? Wouldn't it be more loving for me to tell to my child to stop running out in the road while I run after him to stop him?  By speaking up, I might stop him with my words before he gets there, and save him from terrible pain or even death. And unspeakable sadness. 

I believe we can speak up in love and with grace, through the power of the Holy Spirit- knowing that so many have walked through this nightmare and are hurting and need Jesus just like we do. We are all- ALL- desperately in need of a Savior.

Oh sweet friends, please know- if you have had an abortion, there is absolutely grace and mercy and peace for you when you repent from your sin and turn with all your heart to Jesus Christ for salvation. His blood covers our sin and washes us clean. If you have been saved, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. You are forgiven, only through the sacrifice of the Lamb of God, who takes away your sin! Confess it before Him, bring it into the light, and find peace in Christ alone. 

And please know this- no matter who you are, or what you've done or haven't done- every single one of us has sinned and fall short of the glory of God {Romans 3:23}. And if you have never known salvation through faith in Christ Jesus, judgment and eternal condemnation await you. 

We all equally deserve this punishment for our sin. One day, you will stand before God, and be condemned because you didn't believe. John 3:17-18: For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. 

Repent from your sin, believe in the Lord Jesus- whose blood paid the ransom for your sins and be saved. {Acts 3:19-20, Isaiah 55:6-7, Romans 10:9-13} There can only be one master in your life- will it be yourself or the Lord Jesus Christ?

Christians- we know that we have been called to abide in the Word of God and obey the words of our Father and walk in love {1 John 3}. Are you walking in truth? Is the Lord Jesus the master of your life? Do you desire to please Him? We will all give an account! What are you doing with your talents? We are called to run the race and fight the good fight of faith. Are you growing in love for the Lord and others? Consider your own heart, and seek hard after God while you are still living. He will not turn you aside when you seek Him with all your heart.

We who believe in Jesus can be light and a witness to those who are going to the abortion mills- there are groups like Abolish Human Abortion and websites like Sidewalks 4 Life, who help us to learn how to pray and go out and love others like Jesus in some of the hardest places to go.

Maybe you can't physically meet with those who are at abortion clinics for some reason, but you can pray for and support those who do go. There are ministries where you can pray for women who are still deciding- Facebook pages and Abolitionist groups where you can see the faces of those out in the streets as well as those who are trying to share the Gospel with them. You can help them buy tracts and support them in prayer and with words of encouragement in a very dark and difficult task.

If you have had an abortion in the past and found forgiveness through Christ Jesus- would you please consider sharing your testimony and being a light as well? You know from experience what happens in the darkness of those places, before and after it's over- perhaps your story might make another woman reconsider? 

You have a testimony to the healing power of Christ in your life that is firsthand- and your story is invaluable to reach the lost. How did Jesus change your life? I'm praying about a way that we could make those anonymously public if you want to share them, so that we can bring light to the darkness. Abort 73 will also share your testimony anonymously. There are so many ways anyone can get involved listed there.

Even the smallest of babes, the tiniest of cells in the womb- is a blessing from the Lord. May the Lord give us the eyes to see and the ears to hear what is going on around us so that we can fall on our face before Him, crying out for Him to save us from our sin.

Oh Lord, God we come to you, our hearts broken for these women who have been through and are going through with abortions. We know that loss of a little life affects every single one them, forever. We know your healing is the only hope they have, and that your love is greater than all of our sins, because it is the only hope any of us have, no matter what we have done. All sin is evil in your sight, Lord, and we know that our very best righteousness is as filthy rags in comparison to your holiness. Please forgive us for what we all have done, Lord Jesus. We have all gone our own way.

Jesus, we need your Power. We need your love to overcome our selfish desires to please ourselves and avoid hard things. This is an overwhelmingly hard thing- so much spiritual warfare and deception  has pervaded this culture, but we know that you have overcome the world. We take heart in You, Lord, that You are in control, and that your glory will be made known to every nation, tribe, and tongue. Please give us direction- clear direction for how we can stand up against this great evil in your name, and rescue the perishing innocent life as well as the lives of the men and women involved in this darkness. We ask that you would help us to fight our tendency to keep our heads in the sand because it is easier. Please forgive our apathy, Lord Jesus. We desperately need your help. Please send out laborers into the field, in our country and in other countries so that some might be saved. In your glorious name we ask these things- please let us do your will, God, and not our own. 

abolish human abortion

a video to share: